Fits all Standard Staplers

The computer spins and spins and my mind does start to wander. With nothing better to think about, I eye that box of staples. 5,000 per box. Laboratory tested to assure the quality, durability and safety. I imagine dumb people sitting in labs while scientist staple them. One has voluntarily stapled his own mouth together. They all get a good laugh out of it, including him. It doesn’t get too ugly until his cohort tries it on his eyelid.

So, the staples have been tested, approved, boxed and shipped. Somewhere along the line, they have arrived at our office. Thousands upon thousands of them. Now is where my brain wanders off to landfills. I picture children thousands of years in the future digging in a playground only to find… staples, ancient relics. They aren’t too enamored with their archaic find though because it is not uncommon.

Garbage. I try not to think of it. It’s like trying to think of other solar systems and wondering what is going on out there. These sort of thoughts make me dizzy and I literally shake my head to reset my thoughts to something less complicated such as toilet paper. I had a brain melt down when I was in the fourth grade. Plastic? It never breaks down? It’s bad for us? My little peabody of a mind could not process what asshole gifted this to the world. I thought he was stupid. Now I realize that he probably died a very wealthy man and his stay here was more than likely fairly pleasant. He won’t be here to see children with staples sticking out of their feet in a thousand years. Those poor children.

Fits all Standard Staplers


Portland, United States

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