Toilet Paper

I don’t buy expensive toilet paper. And as I think this thought, I wonder if there is such a thing. Well, I buy store brand, not the three ply, moisturized special stuff that other people do. I wonder how their life must be to live in this luxury. I guess I’ve been blessed with a tough bottom that doesn’t require such amenities. Give me a a goddamn leaf. I don’t care.

As I walk down the aisles of the grocery store, I am stricken by the little banners waving towards me. I see one with a puppy sleeping in a pile of flower petals. His unmentionables are tastefully covered with Photoshopped flower parts so as not to offend family folks with children present. I look at the little puppy. He seems so happy and serene. How soft and cuddly this toilet paper must be! It’s like wiping your ass with a little puppy in a bath of petals. I stand there wondering if this is what I would want. Would this, could this make my life better?

I notice the coupon dispenser. It beckons for me to grab a discount offer to try a toilet paper that feels like a soft puppy. The light blinks at me, and I waiver. Then I remember my principles and my very tough, stoic bottom. My mind races to the evils of advertising. If you’ve ever been somewhere, anywhere and thought to yourself, “I’ve heard this is a great product,” and then soured because you realize that the ones who are pimping it so hard are the very people who are making a profit from it, then you understand where I am coming from. I hesitate and turn back down the aisle to grab my 99 cent store brand toilet paper that I have become so intimate with.

Toilet Paper

Zolton

Portland, United States

  • Artist
    Notes
  • Artwork Comments 18

Artist's Description

Hee hee… went grocery shoppin’ this evening!

Artwork Comments

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