I am an expert on dating ( The male perspective)

Unfortunately I got divorced in 1997. I am now happily remarried.

But before I got remarried I was a very successful dater. Lol.

First, and at the very beginning, I realized that dating was a game sort of like war. And all is fair in love and war! Still dating is not war, it is dating and you cannot take it too seriously. I mean, what is dating? Why is is a trial relationship. And it takes two people to make it work. And a lot of the time, one of the two persons does not care. When this happens, the trial relationship is over. No more dates with that person. Lol.

You also have to realize that if you date someone, there are other guys and girls cutting in from the side that you don’t know about! For example, you could have a date with Becky Sue on Saturday night but she really likes Bobby Joe a whole lot better than she likes you. But you don’t know this and of course, Becky Sue will not tell you this because she is not sure that Bobby Joe really likes her as much as she likes him. So you go out with Becky Sue on Saturday night ( and have a nice time), but in terms of building a relationship it is a waste of time because her heart belongs to Bobby Joe before, during and after your date.

It is a whole lot better to have a lady chase you than for you to chase her. Why? Because the chasing indicates that she has some real interest in you. Further if you are being chased, you have the option of playing hard to get. And because people want what they cannot have, playing hard to get makes you even more attractive.

Of course the ideal situation is to have both parties chase each other. Does it happen? Sometimes, but most of the time one party likes the other more than that party likes them. So more often than not, equal chasing does not happen.

Suppose you like someone a lot. But she is lukewarm to you. Generally speaking, showing up with roses, standing on your head and spitting nickles, telling her that you would love to take them to Europe and pay their way will not work. Of course, occassionally it will work. Lol. There are no hard and fast rules in dating. Just general guidelines that are constantly subject to change.

So the best thing is to just be yourself, have good manners, be friendly, etc, but be ready for almost any type of response from the lady to you being yourself.

Is humor important? Yes a good sence of humor is very important. It is a deal maker? Most of the time, no. Why? Well there are so many other factors that exist in her mind. For example, does she consider you handsome, is she an unhappy person who is on the rebound from a long relationship, does she perceive you as too liberal, etc, etc. It goes on and on. It is so important to remember she has a totally different perspective than you do.

The actual dating activity does seem to matter. A lady loves it when a man plans a date that includes something special that she likes, like a concert or a play, or an art museum. This matters more than I wish it did. I mean, you would think that just being together would be the thing that matters. Well this is not completely true. So figure out what she likes. Or even ask her. And go there if you are really interested. It will pay off big dividends.

First of all you have to be yourself. So hopefully you have self confidence. Because if you dont, a date with Ms. Wonderful is probably a waste of time.
A bigger problem can be being over confident. It is a sure turnoff. So you try and soften your self confidence with humor. For example, when she says what a wonderful guy you are, you might say “Of course I am, but I am humble about stuff like that” but then laugh a bit.

Try not to do this. Lol. Just kidding. It might happen. If you were to meet 50 girls, you might fall in love with 3. Of course I am just guessing. What I am trying to say is that falling in love is a rare thing.

And if you fall in love, everything changes. You loose your objectivity and don’t care. If she is in love with you, no problemo. If she isn’t in love with you, it could be be a BIG problem. Now can you win her over. I hate to say it, but it depends more on her than you. You just cannot MAKE a lady fall in love with you. It either happens or not. You might have to settle for friendship and wait a long long time. Can you handle this?

I am an expert on dating ( The male perspective)


Oconto, United States

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Don’ t take it too seriously

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