LEAN ON ME: Chapter Nine

Over the next few months Chiara found herself positively fixated on her new man. It was absurd after years of invisibility she suddenly felt seen and subsequently began to reevaluate herself. ‘You can only blame your partner so much the rest is up to you, after so many years together – spent together it dares you to face who you really are, the good, the bad, the best, the worst, the tenacious, the feeble and all that transpires in between.’ He – Dillon added something new to the mix; it skewed her introspection and shed new light upon her as an entity, as a person, as opposed to being seen as a part of a unit.

It had been almost ten years since she had paid herself or her career any real attention, no wonder parts of herself had atrophied. Sure could blame motherhood, her husband but the truth was it had been her decision. ‘I wanted children, a family, to raise them and stay at home, I choose the stability, I choose this, it is of my own design.’ Forever trying to reconcile her self loathing and recent recognition of deep dissatisfaction Chi’s mind often roamed these areas of her consciousness searching for some answers, some form of respite in the form of an answer. What never failed to cease to amaze her was how quickly the time had gone by, almost a decade.

Laying in the hospital after the delivery of her first child she never foresaw where she would be in ten years time; only the child growing and learning, requiring new stimulus. Chiara took great delight in stretching and encouraging her children’s development and had effectively abandoned her own resulting in the literal retardation of herself.

Then there was him…what sweet desire. There was a complete realm, a counter reality that existed within her head. Conversations, laughter and of course touch.

Never easily defeated or discouraged Chiara was desperately trying to make the beast of the here and now and accept her reality. Committed to the cause Chiara did her best to reinvest in their marriage, encouraging dialogue and wanting to share thoughts, ideas and emotion as well as the mundane machinations of their lives. With renewed vigor she dedicated herself to her chosen life, but try as she might all of her important news and reaching fell short of reaching him. Her 110% would never be enough, he had left years ago, and there was a vast chasm between them now.

He of course was blissfully happy enjoying the freedom a one sided commitment provided. Essentially selfish this suited Dave just fine, this is how he thought the world ran, kick people down and use them to elevate himself. David was to be endured and the children kept Chi’s feet planted firmly on the ground. Inside however something was developing a growing need fed by the loneliness within her was the time he spent leaning on him – Dillon. Aware of this she sometimes berated herself then gave over and let the thoughts consume her ‘What if, if so, then what? Would he, could I?’

‘Oh god to be rediscovered for someone to actually want to be with me, to see me, to be engaged in the fleeting heady euphoria of attraction’ Plowing her hands into the earth she made some room for the last seedling. Done! Standing back to eye the front garden bed she had spent two hours on the sun began to make the back of her head hot now. ‘Men, bloody hell if only you could make the desire go away.’ Heading for the hose Chiara wondered if she should distil ‘Odour of Arse Waft’ and sell it to women to spray on men to prevent any secondary delusions entering their life, after all in the end they are all the same – perhaps that could be the slogan. Grinning to herself Chiara heard her neighbor Nell call.

“Whadda you grinning at? Sum’n special about those plants you put’n in?”

Nothing was sacred from Nell. The noisiest neighbor in the street, short and squat and at 52 years old, just simply didn’t give a hoot or a toss in her own lingo which could be quite colorful at times. Leaning over the side fence her almost black shoulder length corkscrew hair was all a frizz. Nell had the most insufferably beautiful teeth and smile, freckles across her nose and hazel eyes, the entire look was disarming and beguiling.

“Hi Nell how are you?”
“Come in for a drink it’s too hot anyway” Nell flashed her pearly whites and winked.

A trip to Nell’s house was a trip into a fur lined , dog musty infested pet lovers paradise, usually this would repel Chi’ no end but with Nell you spent too much time laughing to worry about it.

LEAN ON ME: Chapter Nine

Dash Ette

Joined July 2008

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