"Roller Coaster"


To say he hadn’t contemplated ending it all would be less than honest. Whether he never did because he truly was a coward or because all his life he had been unable to understand how anyone threw away life when so many others fought so hard to hold onto it…what does it matter? He thought about it often, not for long and never too seriously, but often. Maybe he could never figure out how to do it without involving someone else. Stepping into traffic or in front of a moving freight train would surely be quick (and certain) but would it be fair to make another carry the weight of not knowing if they had done everything possible to avoid an unfortunate accident? Would it be fair to make another an unwitting and probably unwilling accomplice to his own murder? That’s why he never called in the favor that Louie had owed him for so many years…”anyone, anytime, any place…” he was sure Louie never dreamed the favor would become that personal. No, he couldn’t even ask Louie… it just wouldn’t be fair. He had always thought he was fair… and considerate of others… or maybe it was the kids… Thank God for the kids! They, more than anything else, had kept things in focus when the madness came crashing in. Yes, he was certain it was the kids… and his resolve not to abandon them as he had been cast adrift by his parents so many years ago. How could he leave them without leaving them with the nagging doubts that he himself had carried… that maybe, somehow, it was their fault… he knew that wouldn’t be fair at all. None of this was their fault… but he had come to a decision. He just hoped that one day they might forgive him… after all, it was for the good of all that this final option had been chosen. It truly was the least selfish thing to do. He had always thought himself a giving and unselfish soul. Yes, thank God for the kids… they would give him the strength to see it through… and it was the only possible choice… she had made anything else impossible…

"Roller Coaster"


Mansfield, United States

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Artist's Description

An autobiographical novel, perpetually in progress… I need to get back to it one day

Artwork Comments

  • ChainmailChick
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