Water

Steam rolled effortlessly across the ceiling later than usual tonight. Climbing upwards reaching until it could travel no further then rolling back under its self again. Repeating this cycle over again until it had no choice but to just evaporate. It always ends the same way every time. No matter how hard it tries to escape the boundaries it could never break free.

The mirror sweating covered by hazy dense fog. Little streaks of tiny water droplets plaguing the face of the mirror. From the second these droplets were formed they knew instinctively to search for a mate. Uniting with one another they became stronger. They moved rapidly with uncontrolled passion cascading down wards embracing, for they knew their love affair was meant to be short. A faint trail is all that would be left behind on the face of the mirror. Nothing more, nothing less.

Hot water continued to flow from the shower head, breaking the unwanted silence of the night that stretched out ahead. The curtain rippled as the water beat down upon it furiously. A wave of water would crash to the floor every few seconds killing the monotony of the simple flow. The familure squeak of the faucet being shut off echoed in the room. Steam would soon dissipate vanishing from existence; the mirror would clear and come back to all reality again with passing time.

Stepping out from the shower she ignored the towel she had set out to dry her body off with. There was no need for cover, tonight she was alone for the first time in so long. This night was hers alone and with it she would do as she pleased. No other needs to care for, just her own. Tonight she would be greedy, tonight she is what mattered the most. These kind of moments come few and far in between.

Reaching to her unfinished drink that sat waiting for her on the counter she swallowed the last of what had become a watery mixture in the bottom of her glass. ‘Next time, less ice,’ she thought consuming the last few remaining drops. Running her hands across the mirror she wiped away the final residue of fog that remained.

For the first time in so long she was able to really look at herself in the mirror. She ruffled up her wet hair and let her bangs fall just enough to cover her hazel eyes. She liked when her hair fell this way, she knew eyes spoke vastly about a person. Not that she had anything to conceal but it was more mysterious this way. Mystery was good. Never tell all your secrets at one time, better to make people wonder what made you tic inside.

Remembering her glass had become empty she strolled from the bathroom in to the kitchen to make another drink to quench her thirst. This drink was made by estimating what a double shoot would be, what did she care if it was too much? Right now the stronger the better fit into her needs. Before she could place her lips on the rim of the glass a familiar song playing faintly from the stereo caught her attention. ‘A good song shall not go wasted tonight,’ Turning it up louder than what was called for her hips swayed with the music as she sung along to the words that brought comfort to her. Something about Strange Magic, this song always stirred up old emotions from the back of her mind. Good emotions as far as she could remember.

The song now over she found herself wandering back towards the bathroom with her drink in hand. Lighting up a cigarette she again met mirror with her eyes. Still naked she sat there facing backwards on the stool she noticed the juvenile lines that were forming around her eyes. At first she thought it was her age but let this thought go to the idea of lack of sleep, that fit better. She was still young or at least felt young inside. Thirty six approaching thirty seven was still to be considered youthful by her book. This was the time for her when life truly had begun. Every thing she had learned and observed from life was now to be applied, appreciated, and embraced. She would worry about details later, after all this was her night to be free of what she should be doing.

Inhaling a long drag from her smoke that dangled in between her lips she felt calm and placid inside. It had been to long since she was able to let herself feel this way. Always on edge, always her mind running through 20 different issues at one time. Always on the run. The stereo still playing hard from the living room as she nursed heavily on her drink. There was no where to go, nowhere to be, all she could do is live in this one brief moment.

Now feeling pretty content with her emotions she again played with her still damp hair fluffing it then scrunching it to give it more body. Her attention was brought back to her own eyes; she looked deep into them for the first time in years. She thought of all the things theses eyes had observed over the years. The things they saw, the things they wish they never saw. All the tears of good and bad they have cried, she knew there would be more days as those to come. Amazing these little windows to our soul could speak so well of a person and their soul. How many more things would these eyes live to see? There were still so many memories and miles yet to be seen in this life. Everything finds away to reflect back into your eyes, love passion, lies and questions of why are all stored there for the outside world to see.

Slamming down the rest of her drink, not giving the ice a chance to melt on her this time, she wiped away the few drops that sat on her lips. ‘Funny,’ a small impish grin formed across her face. ‘Where did this come from?’ It must be the alcohol taking effect because smiles on this face were rare and never seen. But yet she felt happy inside, she had forgotten what this felt like, pain and despair she knew all to well, but happy was foreign to her.

Feeling somewhat high she recognized that a wicked little buzz was now taking control of her. This was the kind of buzz you get where you think you should just ride it out and enjoy it, but you won’t because you know you will just down three more in the next hour or so. You become afraid that the high won’t last so you add more fuel to the fire that lives in your mind. So tonight she decided that Captain Morgan was going to be her newly found friend. Together they would join and see where the night would end. He was easy to get along with besides, who could deny a guy on the bottle that had a smile and nice eyes? Not her, and not tonight. A little company might be a good thing.

Looking back at herself in the mirror she began to recognize the woman that stared back at her. It had bee a long time since she had seen just herself in this way. This face had played mom, co worker ,wife and friend for so many years assuming what ever role need to be played at the time. It was nice to just be her as she sat there. She liked this person that she forgot about inside. This was still the person that secretly wished on stars at night while everyone else was asleep. This was the person that still held dreams that didn’t involve the world outside. This was the one person that knew her well.

Again her drink had become low, she believed she was on number three right now. The magical number of drinking. Number one always eased you up in side relaxing your mind. Number two would start to change your views on any issue that was troubling you, make you realize life wasn’t so bad. Number three was always the breaking point, either the last one you would consume or the one that was going to start you on a long ride depending on your mood at the time. She had all ready anticipated the long ride tonight even before the first drink. She poured another one into her glass grabbing another smoke.

It was such a beautiful night out tonight and she was becoming restless sitting inside. Looking out the window the night called out to her. It was one of those nights that it is still very warm out, and calmness sets in the air. The sky was clear and the constellations were shining brightly above. Still bare and not having much desire to get dressed, she found herself opening the back kitchen door up and walking out side to the deck. It was late enough and dark enough who would care?

She found herself stretching out on the swing that sat out on her deck. She loved this deck on the back of the house. It sat high up and from it you could always look down on your neighbors. But more than that it faced east and late at night you could see the city lights that sparkled below. The community where she lived was still considered a city but was still far enough away from big lights that you were able to see all the stars at night, not just three or four. This made a difference to her, a small treasure that kept her happy.

Now feeling relaxed and one with the universe she could not help but to send a wish out to the stars tonight. She never really had to think about what wish would be made for it was always the same every time she tried. She searched for just the right star, the one that spoke out to her. She never wished upon the same star twice. Always a different one than before. Maybe the odds were better this way, maybe she would one night find the right star She made her wish with care and sat there imagining her wish floating up into the air. She found herself drifting away with the wish as well.

Picking up a song that played from the stereo in the living room she thought how odd it was that every song played had somehow fit her mood. Each song that played were the ones that she knew word for word. Each one had been a favorite at on time. She often could reflect back to a day in her life just by the song that was being played. This one that played truly struck the way she was feeling inside. The one thought she didn’t want to hold tonight, the thought that was suppose to be lost ,buried away and saved for a later day. The one thought she was trying to avoid and here it was again. She really wasn’t prepared to go there, not tonight. But it was there and again filled her mind. She knew how bad she missed him. Damn him for coming to her mind! Damn him tonight! But she wouldn’t, she couldn’t think that way about him. She just plain and simply missed him.

Her mind was trying to make her feel as though she was alone but she argued with this. Nothing was going to bring her down tonight. Nothing. She decided that it was o.k to miss him the way she did. I was normal to miss someone so much. She turned her thought to the good times she had shared with him. And then wondered if possibly he could feel the same way about her at times? Tonight it was better to think he was the one missing her, not her longing for him. This way she tricked her mind into thinking she had won this round. At least temporarily.

Going back to the kitchen she grabbed the bottle that tonight was filled with the succulent concoction that eased her mind. For now the only man she was going to love would be the small one on the face of the bottle. The one with the nice eyes and the kind smile. At least he was always there waiting for her. She liked someone that she could rely on.

Walking back into the bathroom she stood in front of the mirror again. Her body still naked and by the looks of her breast a little chilly. She marveled at the shape of them, to her they were near perfect. She thought about all the times she had returned a simple hello to a stranger passing by, and then would notice that they weren’t looking her in the eye, but rather looking at the way her breast would peak just enough from her tight fitting shirt. She had done it this way on purpose sometimes just to seek out a little attention from someone. A way to say, ‘I’m still in the game.’ She had to admit that she would even lean way over to reach or grab something just to tease the clerk behind the counter. It was fun to watch where his eyes would rest. A small pleasure to her, just to tease and walk away. The next best secret any woman can use after her eyes. A given right of any woman. Not a man alive would argue with such a point of view. Especially when they were peaking out from behind a black lace bra.

Growing tired and running out of ways to keep herself amused she moved out to the living room. Sitting there on the couch not being able to slam them down so fast anymore she closed her eyes and let the next song or two carry her away. She wasn’t tired to say it’s just that this buzz was going to really kick her ass if she didn’t slow down some. Yeah, she could just sleep it off until noon the next morning, but there was nothing worse than working 3.30 until midnight the next day with a hang over. Although most of her coworkers were use to her showing up this way. She would always walk in and tell them the same as she told them last time, ‘Never again.’ and walk away. Good thing her position was management, all she had to do is delegate to others as what to do. That made her smile.

Opening up her eyes she wondered how long she had been passed out? Almost afraid to look outside because she thought for sure she would be waking up to a sunrise. Looking at the clock on the wall it was only eight pm, still the same night. Really it didn’t matter she was still alive that’s what counts. Her nap had refreshed her, the buzz was down graded from a category nine to about a four. This was a comfortable number to be at, still a little high but not so high that you can only see out of one eye.

Wondering how her new friend Captain Morgan held up tonight she found him sitting there on the counter still smiling at her. Considering he was a new bottle about four hours ago and was only three quarters empty, not to bad by the looks of him. Picking him up she gave him a small kiss and then looking into those eyes that she adored whispered to him, “Thank you my friend for coming by. Call me sometime next week, we still have some catching up to do.” Picking him up gently she open the cupboard door and tucked him away

Water was the next thing on her list to do. Filling up her cup standing there at the kitchen sink she remembered she was still bare. Good thing The Captain didn’t want to go for a drive, in her previous state of mind she would of just grabbed the car keys and chap stick and called it good.

Not yet wanting to throw in the towel and call it a night she decided to tear apart her closet looking for that famous black shirt to wear. The one that fit tight with little silver snaps on the front lining the v-neck that gave way to her chest.. She felt her best with this shirt on. This shirt usually meant the desire for attention ,and she was craving some. Next pants, not a challenge like a shirt. Dark blue and tight fitting would do tonight along with her black boots with the three inch heel. Being only five foot three height was a good thing. Make up and hair ready to go the only thing left to do was a splash of Honey Almond oil on her wrist and in the valley in between her breast. One final thing the big silver loop earrings, just fun to wear

Now what she thought as she stood there. Dressed and still a tiny bit buzzed where was there to go? She hated when she had this thought. She was one to always have a plan. There was only thing that was still lingering on her mind, even now she tried to push it away. but this thought would not release her not tonight. It overwhelmed her mind.
She didn’t want to give in there had to be a different way to handle this matter at hand. A quick drive to get a pack of smokes, maybe that would change her mind.

Knowing that she had not fully set her mind to any formed plans she went into the bedroom and pulled out a bag. Tossing in a few changes of clothes and a few other necessities she packed up the empty bag. Hesitating for a moment wondering if she lost her mind, what was the point to this sudden drastic move? Why was she standing there folding underwear and putting them in a bag? Maybe a quick drive was not the answer she was looking for after all. Just weird how she felt uncontrolled right now as she placed items in the bag. Maybe she just wasn’t sure where she would end up, better to be prepared.

The drive would have to be far and not just to the corner store. She was in that mood where she needed to set her self free for awhile or two. Nothing would sooth her more than a trip on the open high way driving at a high speed with the stereo blaring away. She thought about the last time she took this drive and how she watched as the speedometer climbed from 60 to 110. Not once did she worry about being caught that night on the by way that lead from town. It was a thrill to push it to the limit that night a way to break from the endless boundaries that she had been chained to. The feel of the power that laid in her hands that night, the sense of all control she gave herself for that brief moment as she drove.

A full tank of gas she headed north on the open road. Finally a chance to set her self free and to do as she damn well pleased. No one to answer to no other need to be meet besides her own. Right here and now she felt more alive and in touch with herself and with the world around her than ever before. She didn’t resent her life in anyway but there just comes a time when you have break free. This was one of those times. She felt like she could stay away for a week or two knowing that when she came back she would feel better about life for awhile but again this would only last temporarily until she became over whelmed again the next time.
It was O.K to run away for a few stolen days but then there was always the reality to return to. The kids, the house, the bills, and the jobs would all be there waiting for her return. Fricken reality clouding the way. She gave herself permission to let these old thoughts go for the night and worry about them at a later date. Right now she just needed this long over due break.

Relaxing and sitting back in the set turning down the music she eased up on the gas pedal. Now cruising a more normal speed knowing that she got the discontent of her life out of the way. There was a calm inside of her. No negative thoughts bouncing back and forth in her mind just pure inner peace. Like a beginning to a new fresh lease in life. All she knew right now in this one brief moment is that she was feeling free inside for the first time in years. Free from all her normal obligations in life. Just to walk away for a change and let someone else worry about it all was the break she needed.

She wondered if this small journey would pacify her so many needs. Still unsure where she would end up or how long she would be gone it didn’t matter, she for once had broke free allowing her self to live just for her. A open road up ahead she reached for her bottle of water taking a swig. Wiping the few drops from her lips she smiled and thought…
Life was like water in so many ways. At times it could quench your thirst and sometimes it just wasn’t what you needed. Sometimes we just crave something more from our live’s something with a little more flavor mixed in it.

Water

whisperofco

Joined February 2008

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