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There are so many things that plague this tired girls mind.
Some day’s there are words that must be written without rhyme.
I live with one who has lost his mind.
And then there is the one I want to be mine.

My world is filled with confusion
My mind questions illusion.

Shall I explain?
Why this heart carries so much pain?
Will you understand why I cry in vain?
Only to love and be loved again?

There is man that walked in the door.
When he left I wanted more.
The other man held a gun to his head.
Wishing he was dead.

The one with the gun I have spent fourteen years.
The one at the door causing my tears.
Fourteen years of life spent as a wife.
Fourteen years, it’s not right.
I dream of another every night.
But I wonder if even this is right?

The one at the door spent time with me.
The one at the door spoke softly to me.
He held my curiosity.
Filled some of this woman’s needs.

I like to be there by his side.
Always having to come with an alibi.
To him I never lied.
He let me in when I needed to hide.

Coming home late at night.
Preparing for yet another fight.
Living in this world of no light.
A home of strife.

Every day wanting to be in those arms that held me.
Every second spent waiting for him to find me.
Every thing was going fine with the one by the door.
But now a days he doesn’t come to me as before.
He promised me so much more.
But I’m beginning to feel like a dedicated whore.

The one with gun
I’m truly done.
I wait for a divorce
And have no remorse.

My days are filled with anger and grief
I thought I had found some relief.
My heart and mind toy with belief.
There are still empty dreams I keep.

I try to run away.
I pray to live a different way.
The one with gun tells me he loves me every day.
Want’s to work it out some way.
I just don’t feel the same way.

I have found some strength in this,
But my life is still a mess.
This woman has a road to choose
But still is afraid in what to do.

I wonder if the one that comforts me
is just waiting for me?
Or did he just use me?
I question this daily.
I asked him awhile ago
He never spoke yes or a no.

So I stand here today
Looking for away.
One I can not love anymore.
The one I love won’t walk in the door.

I know I must continue on my own.
Yes, I am afraid to walk alone,
The one by the door today I try and set free.
He doesn’t understand that he has hurt me.
Maybe love was not meant for me
I know love sometimes doesn’t come easy.

Maybe one day there will be someone for me.
I just pray I am not blind and can see.
So every day I write away
Giving insight to what I have to say.

I want rainbows to chase
And passion to taste.
But there is so much on my plate.
So many things I sit and contemplate.

Journal Comments

  • David A. Everitt (aka silverstrummer)
  • dogfish