How tired am I...

and how deliriously drained I am. Sitting here at the monitor wearing half lidded red rimmed eyes and a loopy grin like some stoned and hammered Jester. Weaving in my chair as if I can’t stay in my own driving lane. I should pull over for some sleep. If my eyes did close, I wouldn’t make it past 3 counting sheep even if they were walking over me. But I don’t want to close my eyes. I can’t. I can’t stop looking. I finish one group and I have to go to the next one. Would double sided tape be too hard on the eyelid skin? If you used it just for a few hours to stay awake a little longer…there are still more groups…still more art…still more to see and feel and experience.
Yeah. I know. It’ll all still be there tomorrow. And the day after. I can pick up where I left off. When I leave off. If I leave off. I can’t get off. I can barely see. I’m trying to think but I have to keep nudging my brain back to function and thought every 37 seconds or so. It keeps telling me that I really, really, REALLY need to put the body in the horizontal where it will be safe because, brain says, like it or not, any time now it is going to have to time out on it’s own and as it will be indisposed, it cannot be held responsible for the body managing in it’s absence.
My usually quite quiet and compliant eyes are screaming like Banshee’s at me begging for the mercy of some cover for a while. I understand perfectly well. I also feel the searing pain burning through the tissue from the monitor glare.
I hurt for them and myself but it hurts so good, in a way.
I’ve been glued to this site and all of this art since, yesterday. Yesterday, and ALL NIGHT last night. And all morning. And all day.
My back aches. My neck is killing me. My feet and legs are swollen from long periods of standing at the computer when my butt got numb from sitting. I’m a mess. I’m so thirsty. I need to go get that coke I was going to get a few hours ago (when I just had to go through one more, one more, one more…).
And I am so happy. This has been great. Because all of you do what you do, and because you have posted it all to share with others, I have had the best time. I’ve seen, felt, experienced, stared, wondered, wandered, fell into, merged with, got lost in, dreamed with, longed for, remembered, and traveled. I have been to so many places. All the places you took me and sent me and shared with me.
I just can’t thank you all enough.
I don’t want to stop. There are still groups and art I haven’t gotten to yet. But my minds already taken a hike. My eyes are going to jump out of my head. My feet said that they will not stand or this anymore (Hey, get it?…) my back is doing some sort of twitch or spasm (or going into rigor mortis) and my neck issued only a short comment stating that even without a mind inside iightening the load, just try holding tat head up myself without it’s help.
My hands aren’t saying anything, They went numb some, oh, I guess it was about 3 am or so. It’s a good thing I am writing this. My tongue says that if I tried to say this all out loud, it wouldn’t happen. It’s stuck to the bottom of my mouth, beached. Parched and still waiting for that coke I was going to get at one point.
OK. Well, I’m just wandering on and on. Off, like the rest of me. Which I am going to gather up and herd to the fridge for that soda and then directly to bed.
I am taking all of the art with me into my dreams because I told you, I just can’t leave it.
Good Night.

Journal Comments

  • liesbeth
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