I didn’t want it to come to this. We’ve always been close round here. Not too much room for secrets in a street this narrow and overcrowded.

We got on great with our old neighbour. The new bloke seemed alright at first himself. For an American, that is. Don’t much like Americans, hafta say. Reckon they run the world. Can’t tell you two things about it but.

The new guy, Jimmy, moved in over Easter. His delivery van blocked the street for half the morning. If I was working I’d have been ropable. Jeez he brought some crap with him. Typical American, buy a whole heapa shit, use it for a week then chuck it out and replace the lot. Not that bloody leaf blower but.

Shit! Wretched cat scratched me!


There we go, bit of peace’n’quiet. Don’t get much of that these days, do we moggy? Where’s me gaffa tape…

It’s hard enough, isn’t it, with young ones. You’re up half a dozen times a night anyway. And with our thin walls, there’s no sleeping through it. Christ, she’s got a set of lungs on her, our little one. Bless her.

I knew it’d be a change, what with us being a bit older than your average parents and everythin’. Couldn’t believe it when Fi came home and told me she was up the duff. It is a blessing, no doubt about that. Takes it out’ve you but, ‘specially at our age.

So when you do get the chance to catch up on a bit of snooz, the last thing you need is a bloody Seppo makin’ a bloody racket with that bloody leaf blower of his.

I can understand he wants to keep the place clean – fair enough. But this is Collingwood. Let’s face it, we’re not living in a rainforest. More friggin’ syringes than leaves. Do ya really need a… what is it…“Tornado Strike Force 300”? Gimme a fucken’ break.

Shush moggy, we’re gettin’ there. Not long now. Then you won’t have to put up with Uncle Jimmy makin’ all that noise no more.

I thought they’d cost more, the old leaf blowers. Between the little one and being off work from the plant, every cent counts. I know. But this is down to defending our sanity. Things were tense enough as it was before all this racket started up.

Christ, this gaffa tape doesn’t stick to the fur too well. Gotta be quick. Jimmy’ll be home soon.

You’d think, wouldn’t ya, moving to a new country; you’d learn a bit about Australian values. Bit of community mindedness eh? It’s that whole American thing, you just barge in where you’re not wanted. Got so much cash and power that the rest of the world should work in around you.

All right, moggy. Let’s see if you wake up with this thing taped down your billy goat. Soon as Uncle Jimmy starts up his leaf blower, you’re gonna help me play me new game.




Joined October 2007

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