the Inevitable fate

The thing is, her head was loose. Not in the sense of a ghostly play of words, or that her head was in fact detaching from her body, more as if she was indifferent to human nature. Insane?, Irresponsible? A monster, schizophrenia the doctor calls it, Along with many other disorders she seems to harbor. There seemed to be a rupture in our relationship, a gap I could never fix.

Wearisomely her shoes shuffled along the freshly snow paved streets. Crisp winter air brushing a flushed color across brightly colored pink cheeks of a young girl. Her hair coiled down the small of her back in delicate platinum locks. Soft shaded indigo eyes drearily looking down at her snow boots. Who would be there to greet her? Would it be Carol? Amy? or her mother? At the thought of her mother or Carol answering the door she paused. An assault of goose bumps attacked the girls body, the cold further more creating several new ones. Knowing she had to hurry home before the sun begun to part, her tiny legs begun to carry her quickly towards her home. Blurred images passed her as she made her way down the road. The small backpack on her back hit the girls lower spin resulting in a sharp pain greeting her lower backside. Once she broke into a dash from the front gate to the bright red door of her home. Soft crutching noises followed her all the way to her front step, while the fresh smell of the world faded at the entrance of her home.

Cautiously her fingers curled around the door knob gripping tightly. ``One….Two..Three.’’ she counted before turning her wrist and pushing the wooden door open. The smell of old boxes of take out food filled the air. Her mother never paid the electric bill so there was only the light that entered from windows. If it were not for the brown oily liquid that replaced there water she might have gone and taken a nice warm bath, as she had been playing with the neighbors dog earlier that day. The grand father clock would ring any minute scaring all bugs and cockroaches back into hiding, even the mice that dared to wonder the days finding a large buffet of old food on almost every inch of each room. Not counting the furniture and tables covered in garbage. Their whole house was a dump, nothing was clean

it all had at least an inch of dust over it. Amy had not been around for a while, only Carol and her mother. Both of the women just wanting to lounge around the house her mother in despair and Carol just wanting to bitch about everything.

``Kitty…’’ a horribly familiar voice called. Quickly the color from the young girls face drained. The monster of the house was there, Carol. She could tell by the deeper mournful tone the women held, while Amy held a cheerfully up beat tone and her mother well…she never spoke. Even though her mother could obviously speak she had never engaged in a full conversation with her daughter not since her husband had died. Kitty was eleven years old now and in all that time she had only had a mother for a quarter of it. Disrupting her thoughts was the heavy sounding foot steps. As Carol had the obviously had the same shape as her mother she was not heavy set, though she stomped as she walked scaring any mouse that decided to oppose her.

``Kitty.‘’ The women yelled this time sounding extremely upset. ``Where the hell have you been all day? You were supposed to pick me up some Chinese food.’’ the woman’s voice sent the girl in a frantic mumbling. ``I…I…um..forgot..I will go get some right now..’’ she exclaimed quickly turning back and wrapping her fingers around the handle once more. Carol jaunting closer took hold of the younger girls arm, her finger tips bruised the skin underneath, luckily her nails had been trimmed just days prior or there would have been several marks to add to the purple finger marks on her upper arm.

``No It’s almost dark go to bed.‘’ the women replied before releasing Kitty’s arm and moving into the kitchen.

Kitty was not even going to argue about dinner and quickly rushed to her room. Like the rest of the house her room was filthy due to Carol messing it up and stealing the small amount of toys and school supplies she had. One day when Kitty had wondered into her mothers room she found the closet was full of her toys and crayons, color pencils, notebooks, This was all due to the woman being a kleptomaniac along with being schizophrenic.

Once the door was closed behind her, she quietly moved to her pile of blankets on her small futon. The heating was turned off on them in the middle of autumn around the came time her mother decided to stop paying for the electricity. Fixing her eyes on the discolored spots on her ceiling she begun to count them. This was something the girl did every night, it was a lot like counting sheep she always thought. She never understood the idea of counting sheep because unless you were a farmer you did not have any sheep to count. Four blankets coiled around her body trying to withstand the cold and keep a comfortable temperature within the walls of the blanket. The trees dancing outside caused an illusion of claws on the girls sealing, reacting to it the child clenched the cloth and built a fort of four thin layers of cloth hopping it was enough.

``Que…‘’ the girl hushed peeking from the blanket to her partially opened closet. ``Are you there Que?’’

the question aiming towards her closet door. As always Que was there, consistently licking the door. ``I put some peanut butter on there for you do you like it?’’

There was no answer, only an image of a horse licking the inside door of her closet. ``I thought you might want some so after lunch I put it on there.’’

The girl had always hated peanut butter sandwiches, which was what she was given for lunch everyday when she ate at her house on the weekends. So usually she smeared the contents of the sandwich on her door for the horse to in her closet to lick off.

``I’m glad you like it so much Que..’’ Kitty spoke happily smiling at the partially opened door. Why she saw a horse every night licking the door was past her, this object of her imagination had appeared a month after her father had passed away. Kitty being so young believed it was just a lost horse that was starved, though she knew he was not a real animal she treated him as one. Feeding, speaking to him and naming him.

``Hey Que, When do you think mom will get better?’’

``Why in the hell are you still up talking, are you talking to that fucking imaginary horse again? Do you want to get thrown in the mental hospital you little shit.’’ the woman cursed stomping over to the girls bed. At first she just stood there for a moment eyes fixed on the small lump hiding under the blankets. Quickly the older woman stood and left moving down stairs.

Minutes later the woman came back up hammer and nails in hand. Taking a nail she placed in on the door on an angle and begun hammering. ``I will rid you of your insanity.’’ the woman laughed slamming the hammer against the nail. She worked quickly each smash causing a squeak from the old hinges on the door.

``Noo Carol don’t lock him up’’ Kitty screamed rushing out from under her barrier and confronting the woman. By then the woman was working on her second nail. The confrontation frustrating her, turning around uncontrollably the woman slapped the child hard across the face.

Kitty’s legs gave way and soon she had joined the toys and garbage littering her floor.

Freezing the woman stared at the girl on the ground. The hammer falling from her fingers as she blinked many times. Moving to her daughter the women tried gently grasping her hand.

``Get away from me, your not my mother I don’t know who or what you are.’’ Kitty screamed pushing herself up and wobbling to the closet door.

Hearing the bite in the child’s words the woman turned and exited leaving her daughter pressed against the closet door weeping.

Within the hour Kitty had passed out against her closet door.

Sounds of birds singing and the fresh smell of bacon and eggs woke her the next morning. Kitty let her bare feet stretch across the floor. Once the girl felt steady, she pulled herself from the ground. Her balance fairly good. Turning around her eyes directed at the door behind her. The nail was to far up for her to get it herself, without a chair. Moving her eyes to the floor she found the hammer and picked it up. Rushing to her dresser as best she could, the girl stashed the hammer under her clothing so that she could later on that night set Que free again.

``Breakfast is ready..’’ a cheerful voice called from the kitchen. That voice to was familiar and very joyous to hear. At the excitement the girl rushed down stairs stepping on newly washed floors.

``Miss Amy..‘’ Kitty called smiling brightly as she reached the kitchen. All mess had been cleared from the halls, kitchen, living room and no longer did it smell like old food. The fresh smell of breakfast was ever so comforting. Forgetting the past night experience she decided to enjoy Amy’s company before her mother or Carol took over.

Taking a seat Kitty waited happily for her food which was given to her just seconds later. ``Thank you thank you miss Amy.‘’ Kitty spoke politely loving the new expression on that same old face. Carol always made her mothers face seem so scary, though Miss Amy brightened everything up. ``I wish you were my mother Miss Amy.’’ the tiny girl spoke while chewing on some eggs.

``Now, now no talking with our mouth full.‘’ the women replied a soft warning tone making it seem like it had been nothing really just a reminder. ``Yes…Miss Amy.’’

Ten or so minutes after breakfast Kitty had headed to her room to get dressed. Slipping into the beautiful pink dress and snow coat Amy had bought her before the cold set in. Once done Kitty hurried down stairs once more to catch a glance at that cheerful women that she had not seen so often. Though once down stairs another familiar face waited there at the door. With such silence and seriousness, looking directly into her eyes with the womens depressed colorless air.

``I’m ready..‘’ Kitty sighed after moving to the door and stepping outside once it had been opened. Why did Amy always leave? Why did her mother have to be around so often and Carol. It was all her mothers fault for harboring that monster Carol. ``Why couldn’t Amy walk me to school I don’t understand?’’ Kitty complained holding her arms firmly across her chest. Of course no answer came from her mother.

Again they were close to arriving at the school and again her mother never answered any questions. ``I can walk myself.‘’ the girl yelled after her mother had tried holding her daughters hand to walk across the street. In an independent dash Kitty ran out into the street. ’I will show her I can make it to school on my own.’

In just seconds a snow machine came rolling down the street. Kitty had left a few seconds before the light had turned red. Her mother running after her, trying to re-grasp the young girls hand. ``Kitty…please get back here.’’ her mother screamed in fright. The snow machine had no way it could possibly stop fast enough. Her body crushed under the weight of the large machine. Her body mangled present before her mother. Bones had been broken, flesh had been twisted straight off the muscles, Her hair clinging to her raw flesh and anything sticky from blood.

``I love you baby..’’ Her mother cried holding her daughters twisted body. Blood blended with the snow creating a scene. The loud honking and shouting all around her. She wanted to silence it all, not wanted to have to scream over it all to speak to her daughter. Even though she could feel no pulse and knew after a hit like that her kitty was gone, she still spoke to her. In soft hushed tones, more loving then anyone could ever speak to her with.

All mental illnesses seemed to evaporate along with her daughters life. Carol and Amy disappeared along with her schizophrenia.

the Inevitable fate

Kristin Keller

Graham, United States

  • Artist
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