Father's Day Loss

My hands are shaking
My knees are weak
My back is killing me
My pain is deep

Slumped in my seat
At the end of my shift
The sun shines in
I’m completely adrift

I sit in my car
Frozen in time
My memory wounds me
Thoughts fill my mind

Flashes of sorrow
It’s Father’s Day again
So many years passed
No tears to mend

Now it is vivid
The day of my loss
A child with no Daddy
My Father’s Day cross

My brother and me
We gathered your things
The silence was numbing
T’was abandoning

Then at the funeral
The isolation was loud
There was only you and me Dad
Broken, alone, lost in the crowd

No one else knew you
No one else cared
Now they were acting
Their grief was impaired

I knelt at your side
They lowered the coffin
Your name etched in silver
The same as Mum’s coffin

Tears fell so silent
I couldn’t hear a sound
The rose in my hand
Was like blood on the ground

I held it so gently
They laid you to rest
In one last gesture
My rose found your chest

Bitterness, sadness
Hollowness, grief
No one knew
As they turned to leave

That three deaths already
Were taking their toll
Soon my dear brother
Would join Dad in a hole

Sixteen and shattered
Four funerals stricken
Years spent in horror
No love God given

Twenty years later
On the day of your death
I reflect on my loss
I did not forget

God did not abandon
I found a new home
In the heart of the Saviour
No more alone

Even in grief
Peace is renewed
I know you are home
Where I will be too

I know someday
My loved one’s I’ll see
Along with my Jesus
The heartbeat of me

That’s all that matters
That’s all I want
To see you in Heaven
Smiling with God

This is what helps me
It’s how I can toss
The memories of sorrow
Of my Father’s Day loss….

I will always love you Dad.
Happy Father’s Day Eternal Father
… and Happy Father’s Day Dad…

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