Sometimes, I wonder

Sometimes I wish I was a musician,
cause no one questions their words—
no matter how twisted or fucked up they may be.

In fact, we embrace those qualities
‘cause they’re no longer called “troubled minds,”
but talented ones.

Sometimes, I wonder
does all creativity,
evolve from questionable thoughts?

Sometimes I wish I had more luck,
then I wouldn’t have anymore,
“it’s just one of those days,”
but good ones.

Sometimes, I wonder
is there really a need for hope & fate
when luck is just as limited?

Sometimes I wish I was a star,
‘cause I’d like to know how it feels to glow
& be adored, safely from a distance,
instead of being overshadowed by others.

Sometimes, I wonder
within their visible distance from each other
are the stars just as lonely as I?

Sometimes I wish I was a painter,
so I could show my silly friends
just how beautiful they are in my eyes.
Maybe then I could stop others in their tracks,
& redefine the word beauty all together.

But sometimes, I wonder
would anyone care to know it’s new definition?

Sometimes I wish I had a heart of steel,
so I could trade it with others
to protect them from future reckless, lovers.
Other times I wish I had a heart of glass,
so I could rip apart an old lover’s flesh
& prove that they are unlike me,
just a stray from a dying group of lovers,
who cherish, provide & bleed love—from every pore.

But sometimes, I wonder
does revenge really help the victim,
or just teach the culprit a lesson?

Sometimes I wish I was a poet,
than I’d have readers & listeners who could relate.
I would no longer be alone with my thoughts,
that devour me daily.
Other times I prefer the seclusion,
no praise—but no disgraced faces either.

Sometimes, I wonder
do these thoughts embody me,
or do I withhold them?

Sometimes I wish I was one of them—
the beautiful people,
just for a day.
Then I’d know what it feels like,
to hold my head up high,
maybe then I wouldn’t hide, I wouldn’t want to hide
or maybe I’d feel the same.
Knowing that the fake mask can be removed
with my very hands & their envious glares.

Sometimes, I wonder
what is more worthy?
knowing you’re beautiful in some ones eyes,
or feeling that way.
Whether or not anyone agrees.

Sometimes I wish these haunting thoughts
would just leave me alone.
So I could just breathe again, smile again,
like everyone else.
How does everyone else do it so effortlessly?

But without these dreadful thoughts
would I still have moments of elation?
& would I still be able to daydream?
Sometimes, I wonder.

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so lost,
then maybe I’d see the light
& finally know where I belong.
Just having one answer to any of my million questions,
would give me enough clarity,
to keep moving,
even if it meant falling.
Eventually I’d become disoriented,
but I wouldn’t think about that
or at least try not to anyway..

Sometimes, I wonder
can too many unanswered questions
make the human mind go crazy?
or can we do that already on our own?

Sometimes I wish I didn’t have to be strong
‘cause it seems so much easier,
to just fall apart in someones arms
naively thinking that they’ll hold you forever—
but they wont.
& they wont be there to pick yourself up either.
Which concludes my thought, cause nothing’s easy.

But sometimes, I still wonder
if you tell yourself somethings easy
does that make it so?

Sometimes I look at the sky,
only to see no stars.

Sometimes, I wonder
will there ever be a day
when I finally realize,
I’ve run out of wishes?

Sometimes, I wonder


Bowmanville, Canada

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