Random Thoughts VII: Can You Get a Tribute For a Nickle?

I can remember sitting in my 10th grade health class listening to a pompous windbag of a teacher telling me to take a close look at my fellow students sitting around me. She told us that these friends may be the best friends we may ever make and that later in life people will only be “acquaintances” rather then true friends. She had it all wrong for me though because I hated my classmates during that particular course so I was thanking God above that these individuals weren’t the best friends I would ever make. Unless of course, are snide and disparaging remarks indicative of true friendship? Somehow I doubt it. Anyway, I do hate to admit that this certain pretentious professor was correct in that it is much harder to make “true” friends later in life. I have unfortunately never forgotten those words till this very day some twenty years later. It is an unpleasant truth that friendships often become inconvenient and much harder to maintain later in life when marriage, a career, and children become part of life’s complicated equation. It’s incredibly hard to give up precious time that has been spread far, far too thin. It’s such a sad commentary on life that we are actually too busy for friends and deep friendships that take time away from our spouses and children. Sad but very, very true nonetheless. I have fallen directly into this trap as the years have flown which I admit with deepest disgust. I have let many friendships dissolve or disappear because it was often easier than putting energy into trying to keep them fresh and new. Friendships need tending and nurturing just like a marriage without which they tend to fade and eventually depart entirely.

The very fact that friendships rarely crop up later on in life makes those that actually do occur so implausibly invaluable. I have had several later life friendships transpire over nearly two decades that surpassed the coworker or acquaintance name tag. I have appreciated these beyond what words can ever describe and am genuinely thankful for these special people in my life. It’s one of these particularly scarce friendships that I’m writing about that has meant a lot to me even though it seems I’ve painstakingly attempted to sabotage it over and over again. I’m not particularly proud of this fact and actually I’m fairly embarrassed and dismayed by it. I compare my current embarrassment to finally having the chutzpah to ask that special girl (that I’d been trying to ask for weeks) to the prom only to be shot down and then being ostracized publicly by said girl while a group of peers openly finds my misery totally hilarious. Let’s just say this loss is noticeably painful and that in comparison getting hit by a train would be preferable since at least that would be over quickly. But I digress, and using humor to deflect my internal melancholy is a fairly bad habit I’ve taken up if you haven’t been able to guess thus far……

So why have I tried to keep such a good and true, mind you, friendship at arm’s length you ask? It’s all fairly complicated and more then a bit nonsensical also but unfortunately that’s positively and unquestionably ME. Friendships with the opposite sex are always vaguely dangerous because for some silly and inexplicable reason men and women can’t just be friends. Outsiders looking in always seem to add bits and pieces to the story to spice things up a bit which causes the ending to always be the same………..those two are sleeping together. Distressing isn’t it? Or perhaps depressing is a better word?

This particular piece may be a disappointment to you because for once I’m not just going for humor or what I think is humorous anyway. I have a few things to point out and some simple thank you(s) that need said. This is what Lucy would call a tribute or an accolade but I like to think of it as the simple truth. So Lucy girl this is for you.

Lucy I have to say that you really are one of my favorite people and you’ve done much more for me then you will or could ever realize. I have such a deep respect and admiration for you and while I’ve made you question this perhaps it is nonetheless completely factual. You truly project an uncontained and almost infectious optimism that raises my spirits after just a few minutes of conversing with you. I truly thank you for that. You’ve been there for me time after time and never been judgmental but rather offered kind words, advice, or just a shoulder to cry. I truly thank you for that. You’ve been patient with me which I can’t say I would be able to do the same. I’ve always told you that I don’t have issues, I have a weekly SUBSCRIPTION! (I’ve proved that huh? Oops Humor!) You’ve listened to my baggage train of quandaries over the years and I appreciate it beyond mere words. You raised my self esteem more than you’ll ever know even if I don’t totally understand why you troubled yourself. You’ve defended and praised me to others time after time, also I might add……undeservedly so. I truly thank you for that. You’ve tried so very hard to be my friend and to point out said friendship was unconditional with no stipulations. That’s singularly extraordinary in itself! I truly thank for that. You were there when my world was crumbling around me with offers of help, encouragement, and overall support. I’m not sure if I could or will be able to return the favor but I truly thank you for that. You have appreciated me in a selfless and totally compassionate fashion crisis after crisis. I truly thank you for that.

I appreciate and am genuinely touched by your empathy and overall kindness. You are truly an uncommon and wonderful individual that I have had the pleasure of getting to know over the years. I just wanted you to know these extremely important things as we bid this friendship a painful adieu. I hold you in the highest regard and most certainly always will. Lucy I owe you a lot more than a nickel. Thank you again for all that you have done and all that you will do and always remember that you touched my life in the most positive of ways when I needed it the very most…………………

Random Thoughts VII: Can You Get a Tribute For a Nickle?

Black Heart

Joined March 2008

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