Random Thoughts V: Can The Pompous Save the Polar Bears?

What a Presidential election we’re in for this fall! It’s actually kind of electrifying wild isn’t it? A menopausal crazy woman, a depends wearing senior citizen , and a black guy with ties to a crazy minister and a religion that likes to fly airplanes in to tall buildings all vying for the world’s most prestigious political position! (Stephen King himself couldn’t have thought his nightmare up!) I mean who would have thought all this could occur at the same time without the space time continuum imploding like a depressurizing Russian submarine ten thousand feet under the ocean? The next black hole won’t be created out in the depths of space. Oh no, it will be created in a CNN boardroom by thirty or more political analysts trying to talk over one another creating a vortex from which even light can’t escape. Or in another words so much BS will be flying in one particular spot that the universe will fold in on itself like a Ted Kennedy shot gunned beer can. But seriously, the media has certainly has been in a feeding frenzy since the primaries have begun and shared its total glee in reporting all the news on the upcoming election and every personal problem the candidates have or could have has been paraded across every TV, radio, and internet page in the most mindless and useless fashion possible. I find my best option during this unsavory time is to leave all my electronics firmly in the “off” position rather then risk being bombarded by political rhetoric and that doesn’t always work either with all the signs and billboards flooding the local landscape too. (At least I can’t hear those!) But sometimes I do weaken and flip on the stupid box which I’ve found is always an exercise of poor judgment. The news is completely dominated by the energy crisis, the food crisis, the polar bear crisis, or politics and it never fails that I end up listening to a group of professional political forecasters sounding off on what they feel is going to occur within our great nation and how we could repair everything and anything if we would just take the time listen to them. (Sorry guys but most of America has to work while your on TV blustering.) I do listen to them for a short period but usually wake sometime around 1 a.m. with my wife shaking me awake to come to bed. The experts have fixed, or perhaps cured is a better word, insomnia! God bless them! So maybe they aren’t totally useless after all?

I have always abhorred listening to the “experts” who are trying unsuccessfully to twist my allegiance to their misguided causes or thought processes. I’m sorry I CAN think for myself thank you very much and believe it not I can even form my OWN opinions too! What a novelty that is isn’t it? Americans who can think and act for themselves and do so daily without a professional student blazing the trail? That fact should certainly cause an uncomfortable ripple throughout the PhD community of the nation! What’s the difference between a meteorologist and a political analyst with a PhD? Answer: at least the meteorologist is usually fifty percent correct. You the bomb weatherman! Now don’t get your over educated pants and skirts all in a bunch now ladies and gentlemen. I give you all your due credit for your long stressful hours nose deep in the books. I certainly give kudos to the educated masses since I too am striving for my PhD but along the way I hope too keep some of my common sense and also realize that I DON’T KNOW what’s best for the rest of the world like it or not. Am I imposing my personal view here too? Oh my!

Anyway, I have digressed from the thought process that sent me down this particularly silly path. (I hate being serious!) Alternative energy sources are all the rage at present and I, always thinking green, want to share my epiphany of enlightenment with the world. Perhaps it’s time for the experts of the world to unite for the good of mankind? Kind of a Hall Of Justice, so to speak, for brain trusts and the not-so-super delegates in which we would capture the energies being thrown off from the heated and normally useless discussions held within its walls. We could call this focal point of knowledge and expertise the Bastion of Science or the B.S. for short. With in these hallowed halls arguments would rage day and night, as the over educated try to sway and bend each other towards their way of thought. The super heated air and hurricane like winds could be captured and put to use for the generation of energy. Entire cities could be lighted and heated by the harnessing of this vast and endless power source. Coal and natural gas production would fall to all time lows as the Utility Analyst & Specialist System (U.A.S.S.) was brought on line to power the nation. Huge wind farms would dominate the landscape outside the Bastion(s) of Science (God knows there will be one in every major city!) as the channeled winds whip the windmill blades into blurring motion day and night. Utility companies nationwide would have to shutter their doors as U.A.S.S. and its cheap talk power and generation (C.T.P & G. patent pending!) takes over the energy world. A limitless source of power to heat and cool our homes, run our factories, and thus ending our addiction to fossil fuels in general.

We could even refine this energy source down to powering our vehicles. Two pompous windbags walled off in a soundproofed area of your minivan or SUV would propel your large, overweight, and until recently inefficient vehicle up to 100 miles per argument! Each vehicle would come complete with a selection of topics on placards and when you are running low on anger and general academic resentment just pop a new topic into the slot and watch your tank fill up almost magically! Think on how this new technology will go over in France! The French love to argue about almost anything petty and will probably be able to power most of Europe singly! (Here in America we have the Kennedys which should be able to handle the eastern seaboard as long as the booze holds out.)

Politicians will at last have a use to us as their trivial quarrels are exploited (Wow, now there’s some irony!) and efficiently utilized to keep us snug in our homes will ALL the lights on and the heat up to eighty. People the world over will WANT politicians and political analysts to fib and converse endlessly for OUR OWN comfort. They will at long last truly be public servants! Of course there are cons to this new and inexhaustible resource. The primary one is that the radio, TV, and internet will be awash with political pundits and with the introduction of the “I Like to Hear Myself Talk” channel broadcasting 24/7/365 hearing protection won’t be an option any more, without which the masses will be driven into madness or more likely starring dazedly at nothing with a bit of drool leaking from corner of their mouths. There is a price for anything isn’t there? I’ll pay the price personally if I get the chance to gesticulate the international sign of peace to OPEC if you know what I MEAN!

So I’ve solved the world’s energy crisis and found a practical use for our politicians, analysts, and I’ve added an emergency energy backup…..religious leaders! Talk about making something out of nothing! Genius, pure genius! Anyway, I’ve got the icecaps to quit melting, rehabbed our addiction to oil, created an actual use for the experts in our country and the world, reduced food prices, and single-handedly saved an endangered species. Which species you ask? Why the Polar Bear of course silly! Because when our beloved “energy sources” finally quit producing and have boozed themselves into oblivion we have one final use for them…………..Polar Bear food! God I love recycling!…………..

Random Thoughts V: Can The Pompous Save the Polar Bears?

Black Heart

Joined March 2008

  • Artist

Artist's Description

Finding a REAL use for experts the world over!

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