YOU CAN`T MISS IT

Not sure if there is a technical term for what is wrong with me although I have bumped into a few people who suffer from the same malady – an inability to understand and act upon directions.
No one has, to my knowledge, carried out a survey or a university study on us poor victims who in spite of helpful instructions and a willingness to concentrate, still manage to lose ourselves.
In spite of my disability I have bravely ventured abroad, and let me say, it makes no difference whatsoever when kindly souls point in foreign languages – I understand nothing – in any language .
Anything after “you see those lights down there?” it all becomes giggerlygiggerligoooo.
In the end I smile sweetly, nod intelligently and scream for a taxi.
When visiting friends I simply ask for the address and a large landmark, armed with this ammunition I head (hopefully) in the right direction at the break of dawn and if I`m lucky arrive in time for a late lunch.
Helpful souls have offered to pave the way.
“Write this down” they say from over the telephone wires. " which way are you coming into the city?"
How do I know – you tell me……
“Well lets say you`re coming in from the south east”
Yes let’s say that … South east? My brain seizes up in panic.
At school we were given out books with maps in them that clearly showed north at the top of the page and west and east spelled WE unfortunately we had to give them back and now I only have a mental picture of north pointing up, so whatever way I turn I am all ways facing north.
So you see I am very dangerous in traffic and utterly hopeless at Trivial Pursuit geography questions.
“OK, when you get to the centre of the city” they resume unheeding my mute silence… “turn right at the lights, left at the big blue building, down the main street for three hundred yards..”
What do they mean three hundred yards. I never did learn how far a furlong went, or how long a peice of string was so how will I recognize a yard – however many?
“Do a right” they drone on.
I have by now stopped trying to comprehend and just tune in to “and you can`t miss it”.
Wanna bet, I`ll be so punch drunk peering down at the, by then, grubby piece of paper that I scrawled the address on, that I`ll probably have to stop at a gas station and phone to be come and got.
By now most of my true and trusted friends, the acquaintances got lost along the way, find it`s easier for all concerned to come and see me.
By some miracle if I do find my way to the right place at roughly the right time there is no guarantee it will happen again.
’Well dear now that you have found us you must come again. Here we`ll show you on the map"
NO! NO! Not the map. anything but the map.
Now of course with the aid??? of technology in the car I have the dreaded lady on the machine tersely telling me repeatedly to turn left .. redirecting .. turn left …

YOU CAN`T MISS IT

scarletjames

Joined October 2008

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