unconsious rambelings of a spber mind part 2

unconsious rambelings of a spber mind part 2
Current mood: distraught

why do i do it to my self really why do i let them in always knowing that one thing will lead to another and i will get hurt, my heart hurts because of the pain , my emotions are streched to braking point ive run out of cigarets, and thats the least of my problems, i try be there fr some on as a friend regardles of the hirtory between us knowing that i will only end up getting hurt in the proces by being told something i really dont want to hear, and yet i do it i pretend to not care i pretend as thought it doesnt faze me, but you know what it fucking hurts, and yet im stupid enought to do it over and over and over again, because that is who i am.

now if you havent yet realised im extreamly stressed out, and in desporate need of a cigaret to calm me down but the unfortunate fact is that i cant just toddle of to the all night garage like i used to because there is no all night garage. but like i said thats the least of my problems

tonight ive been talking to some one i used to know, well slightly more than that some one im deaply in love with, but lets be serious for a second regardles of my feelings toward this person, i tryed to be a friend to them, but all it got me was a kick in the teeth, the night previous being told that they loved me and missed me and wanted me, then tonight again being told that it was true but they didnt want it as much as they wanted some one else back in there life (which quite honestly ISNT GONNA HAPPEN, after numerous conversations ive had with said person) but regardles of this im second best as always,

no one gives a dam bout me not really they sleep with me and when they have had their fill they leave me for something better its always the way it works, mr rio’s left me for some one that gave him a baby (even thought she couldnt suck a lolly pop never mind a cock) mr devlin left me cos i was pregnant with his baby and he dint want a nother kid and he didnt want a nother kid especialy with me. ive been fucked bout by loads of men threw my life time. but you know what i give up , i give up on men i give up on love i may as well give up on life too, im never gonna get any where in my life, im stupid and lacking in intalect and qualifications for anything i mean i cant even get a job in the corner shop! i really do just give up on everything,

every ones given up on me i might as well give up on my self, deluded , depraved psycotic i must have been to think that he , no no that ANY one would love me. t hey thats the story of my life , i give not to ricive and when i do riceve all i get is shit

i give up

this is the death of my heart,
layed to rest in pieces

and let me live my solitery life, alone forever

“i will always love you but youll just never know how much”

“i gave you my heart and you broak it infront of my eyes”

Journal Comments

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