for my family, light of my life

Guys, just needed to get this out and across.

You two refill my soul, along with my brother. I can’t really explain what you give. A sounding board, a safe place, a place to try out myself, to measure myself, to check myself, to humble myself, to remember myself, remembering best times, to model myself, to check other’s behaviour by. This is the absolute magic of my family, this mystical unit that I am dumbfounded by the fact that I’m a part of it. Like you’re all amazing beings that somehow include me in your ‘best that humans can be’ group.

Last night I wrote that you are magical, all of you, and that you never gave up on me.

Like I told you, when all of my own ideas of myself had been stripped away, the seed, that glowing golden seed that you gave me when I was small, with your love and affirmation, that one you planted and nurtured and still do, that was all that was left. It remained on the strength of your love and unfailing belief in me. It kept shining even in the darkest times and got me through, I fed on its light until I could stand up again.

Mum, when I look at pictures of you smiling, it’s like you’re staring right through the photo into my soul, just like when we’re together. You are so beautiful and I know you think of me all the time. You have such honour, nobility, loyalty, strength, insight, care, kindness, patience, tolerance and love that I don’t think I could ever be such a woman as you. Singular, you are.

Dad, when I see a photo of you or inside my mind, I feel enveloped. I feel like there’s nothing you don’t love about me, that everything I strive towards is a worthy journey. I feel like when I’m speaking you are looking into the potential for myself, with such enthusiasm in your mind. That I’ll be accepted whatever I try. I love your seriousness, calm, playfulness, joy, intellect, interests, insight also, open mindedness, strength, acceptance, hope and belief. I guess I’ll be looking for someone with all of this to be with.

Together, you two make a formidable tower of love and completeness that you give to Nathan and I. There is permanently a safe space in your minds and arms for us, and being able to know that is the most powerful thing in the world, and keeps us standing in the world. Knowing we were raised with facets of your personalities, your values and your ideals, it’s hard to think we won’t be noble ourselves. We owe you so much.

I owe my brother a lot too. Someone said to me recently that you practice your human interactions on your siblings, and accordingly, that you teach and they teach you how to be a functioning adult. Every time I think of him I get a burning in my throat with how proud I am of him. He is such an admirable human being, respectful, loyal, witty, loved, loving, appreciative, hard working, committed, sweet, complex in emotion and morals but simple in how it’s applied to his life, and straightforward with everyone, accepting of anyone, talkative. I wouldn’t choose anyone else to journey the later part of my life with.

I would do anything for any of you. And although this isn’t a new year’s piece of writing, I wish you the utmost life could bring and more than anything, to be happy, this year. To say that I love you is a gross understatement – I carry everything I know about you all, around in my heart all the time. I am made of you.

for my family, light of my life

Sarah Cole

Annerley, Australia

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Artist's Description

letter for my family – i hope you all have families like mine..

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