She Brought The House Down!

She took pride of place sitting on the windowsill basking in the sun. She was filling out nicely and her long green “tails” were held gently but firmly to the cane. She was very demanding, wanting her special feed every day.

Week by week her bulbous figure was getting more and more rotund. Her beautiful white flesh was near perfection. She was feeding every day now and looking splendid in the mid-day sun. Her “tails” were now over 4ft. How delighted her owner was when at 6 weeks she weighed in at over 6lbs. She was looking forward to receiving that ever elusive accolade of the Golden Rosette – Best In Show.

She was at her best, a very healthy, bold specimen, now at 10 weeks weighing about 9lbs and her tails at just over 5ft, when it was noted that she had developed a flaw. Oh no! What’s happened there then? As her owner inspected the wound. Her beautiful, white fleshy skin had an imperfection. A couple of days later and she had developed another one! What had she done wrong to deserve this she wondered? Her owner was in dismay and very puzzled as day by day, more and more wounds were appearing.

This was an outsider doing this – competitive rivalry is what she thought. The things people do to jeopodise their competitors so that THEY can win. A trap had to be laid to see who was the nasty one who would go to such great lengths.

So, that very evening it was decided. Her owner had turned all the lights out and she hid behind the settee, waiting for the competitor to turn up and scar her prized possession.

All was still and quiet at around mid-night. Not a sound from anywhere. Then, from out of nowhere a quiet thud could be heard. Low and behold, next door’s ginger Tom was on the windowsill walking slowly towards her. He brushed up to her, purring. He stretched, and yawned. Without any notice he turned around and faced her, he very sleepily, and nonchalantly proceeded to sharpen his claws on her, scraping her flesh with gay abandon! So HE was the culprit! Her owner shouted and bellowed at the cat, the cat shot off up to the top little window absolutely petrified, and yowling in fear!

She was ruined. No longer a contender for the Best in Show. Not even a contender any more – but she had the last word.

She was brilliant on her first night – absolutely the best in the Salad. The next night she made a fantastic entrance in the Shepherd’s pie. The third and final night she made a grand entrance as she brought the house down in the Ratatoulle!

She Brought The House Down!

Sandra Cockayne

Low Row, United Kingdom

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Artist's Description

I wrote this piece for an Editorial for the Leeds Branch of the RHS many years ago. It made a lot of people smile then……

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