My addiction

There is this girl who has led a very sad life. Her parents divorced when she was eleven years old; and by 13, both of them had deserted her. The pain her parents caused her traumatized the girl severely. She spent almost 4 years in therapy to help her deal with her anxiety, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia. She would cut herself every time someone hurt her or let her down. Many nights she would cry herself to sleep, because she constantly thought about all of her pain and troubles. Despite all of that she was an honor-roll student in high school; in fact she was second in her class. She received letters from colleges on a daily basis informing her of their interest in her. She had faithful friends that were there for her anytime she needed them. She had real talent in writing, art, and photography. She had it all…and let it all go. She began drinking all the time, and smoking pot everyday. She started popping pills and doing all kinds of hard drugs. She used this stuff to escape reality, to get away from the emotional pain. She became addicted and wound up getting kicked out of her house where she lived with her grandparents. In time she moved a state away to an island called Tybee. Somehow, Tybee was the WORST and BEST thing that ever happened to her. She moved in with her mother who she hadn’t talked to in years, and continued her “I don’t care” lifestyle. Her addictions got worse and worse. She was staying stoned all day long and drinking until she blacked out. During her black-outs, she was really cruel and violent, often yelling hateful things and hitting anyone who came near her. Two weeks after moving to Tybee, she got arrested for underage drinking, assault on an officer, possession of two types of pills, disorderly conduct, and obstruction of justice. She woke up the next morning in jail remembering only bits and pieces of what had happened the previous night. Her mother’s boyfriend bailed her out, but she got arrested again less than a week later for smoking pot. It seemed like she would never learn. It took getting arrested a third time for her to learn that she was ruining her life. In one month’s time she racked up eight criminal charges, two of which were felonies. The local magazine labeled her a “frequent flier,” humiliating her. As she stood before the judge in court she trembled and cried realizing just how much trouble she was in. She could have gone to jail for up to 12 years, but the judge cut her some slack. He gave her a 6:00 curfew and took away her license. He agreed to not put her in jail if she would go through rehab and counseling. She got started on it right away, and she is presently in her second month of rehab. The girl that I am talking about is I. I have come to realize the error in my ways. The foolish mistakes I made have caused me to lose a lot. I lost out on my high school diploma, I lost my job, I lost a lot of friends, but most of all I lost people’s trust. Because of what I did, nobody trusts me when I say I am trying to do better. They look down upon me and frown. Very few people take the time to look past all of that and realize that I am actually a good person inside. My life has been a series of rocky roads, detours, and dead-ends. It has been full of twists and turns, stumbles and falls, disappointment and pain. I have fallen in love, and been out of favor where in love. I have lost my mother, father, and my brother. People that promised they would never hurt me turned their backs on me. I’ve seen a lot of things that no child should ever see. But, I am not a child anymore. I am a young woman and I have to face the consequences of my actions. This life and the things I have done have forever changed my heart and soul. I now take the time to appreciate the beauty, purity, and innocence of nature. It is the one thing in this (sometimes) crazy world that still has beauty beyond any comprehension. Flowers, plants, and trees are my inspiration to do better, as well as watching sunrises and sunsets. The one thing that I can always count on is that the sun will rise every morning and set every evening. I enjoy the company of animals, for they are not as judgmental as humans. I am getting back to my artistic ways as well. I write poetry that relates to life and the things that I have gone through up until this point. My artwork portrays nature and the positive things in life. I have a sensitive, artistic soul that cries when things hurt, and an eye that strives to see the humor hiding in difficult moments. I am the kind of person that looks beneath the surface to see who people really are, not who others think they are. It is not your past or your mistakes that define you. It is what’s inside, what you feel, and how you use your mistakes in life. I think of mistakes as lessons you have to learn the hard way. It is possible that I will slip up again, but I am trying with everything I have not to let that happen. If only people would take the time to get to know the real me, I think that they would change their views about me and see that I am a person worth liking. I don’t think people realize just how cruel they are, or how traumatizing. I know I messed up, but as I have said before, EVERYONE messes up. No one on this earth is perfect. I used to pity myself because of everyone’s judgments, but now I realize it is them who need pity. They don’t have the courage to walk a mile in my shoes; they think that something like this couldn’t possibly happen to them. The truth is, hardships come to the best of us. It is God’s way of testing us, seeing how much we can handle without losing faith. What I have done and endured has strengthened my faith in the Lord. I realize that getting arrested was the BEST thing that could have happened to me, for the simple fact that it ended my addiction. It forced me to confront my demons and myself, and turn my life around in the right direction. There is often pain in my heart and tears in my eyes, but I will keep holding on to the hope that one day I will make something of myself and prove to all the cold-hearted fools that judged me that they were wrong. Someday I will find love, and will regain trust from others. Someday people will see the real me, the beautiful me. Someday people will finally find the courage to take a walk in my shoes and see things from my point of view. This can only happen if they take the time to look beneath the surface.

My addiction

sadeyedpoet

Tybee Island, United States

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Artist's Description

A true story about a young girl who is currently recovering from a drug and alcohol addiction. My hope is to inspire other addicts to quit and get their life back into perspective.

Artwork Comments

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