A fine collection of haircuts.

They had managed to turn a regal mansion into a cut and paste copy of inner city living. Dining rooms converted into loft style apartments, the kitchen now a free rang vegan cafe/lounge bar and the manicure lawns were just scattered with second hand record and used clothes stalls. It was surrounded by the massing collection of trend.
A harsh experience lay before me as I was walking through it all on my way to the house, my house should I reiterate. The judgement I was subjected to tore my ego apart.
I did strike up a conversation with one young lady though on my tumultuous journey. The ‘house that zippers built’ was the way I overheard they were referring to the mansion. Leaning in trying to give my two cents worth in as smartass a tone I could muster I announced “ We’ve gone well beyond zippers now. Clasps are the way of the future” I waited for ridiculed but y sarcastic ton of overzealous joy must’ve intrigued her. “Really clasps? Like big brass buckles on your pants front?”She inquired.
“Oh no, no, no, no. Tiny discreet metal tabs like the one I’m fashioning on this said pair of slacks” I explained while pointing down to my zipper less fly as if an infomercial salesman. “See these bits here just clip around these bits here, it’s a far superior pants retention system.”
Someone who I assume was a friend of hers ran over and dragged her away by the arm yelling “Nice to meet you” over her shoulder while departing. I realised that from a distance our conversation would have appeared to be me looking her up and down and pointing wildly at my crotch Very acceptable behaviour in these crowds excepts I wasn’t one of them. Their impression of me was as an outsider trying to lure one of them away to a van with candy.
I wasn’t disappointed though as the interest in the clasps had seemed genuine. And as she was a hipster it either means that this is the fashion of tomorrow or several decades old. It’s an even bet but it was promising.

A fine collection of haircuts.


Sydney, Australia

  • Artist

Artist's Description

short story about pants retention systems

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