He lays it down that which she had already surmised of him, – he is no enigma, she is not completely oblivious to him. He thinks he knows her – she allows him this – humour. He feeds her these nuggets of who he thinks he says she is, but he does not know. He will never know. He would not stay long enough to find out. He will go the way they all went. They play these games, though neither admit to being players. He shares of the many and the ones who have fluttered away. She listens, perhaps amused, sometimes confused and other times warily knowing too well another would sit in her place one day, and be in her shoes.

She wonders how she wandered down this road – once again, where nothing is what it should be and never could be, she cannot leave but she tells herself she can and she will one day… every day. And perhaps she will or perhaps she won’t but she knows most assuredly he will never stay. When it is time, he will walk away.

He speaks the right words to hold her heart but she knows her heart should not be held by him, he will be gone… not a day too soon and then the emptiness she knows so well… will only remain. But she is too entangled to break free or walk away. There are days she knows she can and there are days when she knows she won’t remove these ropes that bind her to him and she knows if he would stay, she would remain rooted here though she hears her life calling her back. Beckoning her to the familiar. Can she go back; ever? She longs for it. Yet… here in this web she remains, deceiving herself in this make-believe world for a surety that will never come.

It is inevitable, she cannot avoid that which he walks towards looking forward to – because that is who he is. His road he has chosen – no commitment, no regrets. No looking back. Just a wad of paper she will is, to be used and tossed away. There will be fragments, a resolute closing of a door, silence and yes…
… pain.


Rishani Sittampalam

Bamabalapitya, Sri Lanka

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