Hollywood's Own

Here we go again, same old movie, just different lines and the usual “A” listers. YAWN. I’ve got a spare 10 minutes before I start – take a seat while I’m setting up my makeup bench, preparing to transform the “beautiful people” into the same old “creatures” with whitened faces, juicy red lips and seductively kohl lined eyes. You know how it goes: the unoriginal swishing cape, bat-collar shirt, bosom-heaving dresses or the other end of the stereotypical spectrum with enough leather and PVC to put Ann Summers out of business.

Talk about predictable, but it pays the bills, you know? Mind you, I have to smile to myself at the irony of it all. They don’t see it – that actually, they are Hollywood’s Own Vampires. Hey, don’t laugh. They don’t need to pretend, to dress up, to act. I know, I know, it sounds completely off the wall but think about it. Do you want a coffee? Let me explain my theory.

First off, ever see anyone getting old round here? No. Flawless, youthful, beauty – no one ages. Years pass by and yet they never get any older.

Then there’s the business of daylight. Ever see one of them during the daytime without their shades? No. Regardless of whether the sun is actually out they never step outside without them, not to mention SPF 100!

Eating. Never see them do this either. They don’t eat, they’re too thin to be alive and yet they manage to remain apparently healthy, it’s just not natural.

Now, consuming blood. Yeah, yeah, you’re right, they probably don’t do this, but let’s think outside the box a minute. Blood is made up of human cells, so you could, in theory, say that it’s the cells which give the vampire eternal youth, regeneration, blah, blah, blah. I heard, now this is between you and me OK, that round here the latest craze is to visit the Cell-Bank. You know, like a sperm bank, but with human cells. So one of Hollywood’s Own goes along, gets a few injections and hey presto, rejuvenation and goodbye old age. They just can’t seem to survive without it. Haven’t you noticed how they never get sick and if they do they recover in record time? Uh-huh, I know.

And the teeth. Have you seen such unnaturally white and perfect teeth anywhere else in the world, they practically glow in the dark.

What’s that? Crucifixes – oh please, the old crucifix thing is SO hammer horror, I’m not counting that.

Yeah, you’re right, there’s something missing in my theory. Nope, not sleeping in coffins. It’s because Hollywood’s Own are just empty shells – what good is eternal youth without the intensity of being, the depths of passion and feeling.

Oops break over, here comes the first of Hollywood’s Own to be transformed for the trip down Stereotype Lane.

Hollywood's Own

Louise Morris

Telford, United Kingdom

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Artist's Description

A makeup girl in Hollywood, stops to chat with a friend as she prepares to work on yet another movie based around the Dracula theme, frustrated by the age old stereotyping of vampires and irritated by the shallowness of Hollywood, she steps onto her soapbox leaving her friend unable to get a word in…..

Artwork Comments

  • Damian
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