Ok, its all well and good, your hyper, full of whateva, your just wanna get on the plane and just piss off, the “man” has rules, so you just gotta live with it. Sitting down, seatbelt on, aware of the coughs and farts of others, SHIT, just take off for Christs sake. Close your eyes, all the bad stuff will go away, the feeling of immense satisfaction as your nether regions vibrate …… NO….. its not the hostie …… its the engines.

Then your away, the well travelled, just sit back as though it was in their own lounge chair at home …. nothing ….. the vacationer …. all full of vitality ….. the shit scared, eyes down, waiting for the engine to fall off, the wings to disappear in flames, screaming women running down towards the cockpit, crying for Jesus to save them … ahhh the joys of flight.

2Am in the morning, undies creeping up your crack, dry lips, bad breath, women with cheesy crutches, guys with half a mongrel, herded like simple cattle … up stairs …. down the stairs …. up the walkway, meanwhile, the temperature has gone from nice to … “holy shit, it’s hot” or "holy shit it’s cold, why did’nt i bring something warm/cool.

Again herded, the smokers outside, drawing in a breath of “fresh air”, the automatic feeling in that you had done something wrong, brought something that you shouldnot have. And then, there is always SOMEONE, in front of you, isnt there, always. “Nothing to declare”, yeah bullshit, the sniffer labradors, working up and down the the aisle, its nice to have something sniff down there, even though its been awhile, poor dog, it is probably thinking to it self …. "awww no … crutches again …. airplane food is crap … nice, oh, the fish is being served again … cool.

Then the signs, why can’t the signs be written in a language that YOU can understand. You end up in a bus with 18 others, and you want to change your name to "BROWN’, that is heading to a 200 star resort, in a limo, lucky you, there is couples fighting, couples not talking, then someone is talking and you wanna kill em, someone breaks wind, someones wants to get out and have a piss or a smoke, Jesus, you havent even left the terminal building yet …. fuck … what a start to to a holiday …..

The Incredible Pooh @2009



Joined June 2009

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