• Age: 32
  • Joined: March 2009


Smiling and laughing and asking for more

It feels like this, as I walk the streets and I stalk the leaves on my way home, / Look down at my shoes, to see how I move, / And it’s always wrong, it’s always wrong, / But I can’t go back. / I can’t go back, / I can’t go back to her she’ll see, she’ll see the way I look, I’ve looked, / I’ll always look through my eyes, through my heart but not my sense, / I seem to lose, but not when I choose…
Posted over 6 years – Leave a comment

Poor Man's Son

Advert hangs upon the wall / “workers needed apply below” / You don’t need a job if you’ve got a gun and there’s a bank across the road, / My Ma hangs around my neck, / I point the pistol and tell the clerk, / I’m not a bad man, / I’m just a poor man’s son, / So give me the money and nobody gets hurt, / The deputy sherif points his gun at me, /…
Posted over 7 years – Leave a comment


We blew the doors, didn’t we? / Pissed in their champagne and did a real thing, didn’t we? / Gave ourselves a name / and peeled away the shame / I wanted to explode / To pull my ribs apart / and let the sun inside / Red stain blossoms / and all you have is kisses / all you have is kisses
Posted over 7 years – Leave a comment

The Cutey Of Kings Cross

This story’s a sad one, the sort that you hear all the time / but this time i’ll bore you with details and open your mind / it’s the tale of a young girl who once was the talk of the town / The first time i saw her the skin was so thin on her bones / her eyes they were lost on that street though she called it her home / so i thought can i save her, can i get her out harms way / …
Posted almost 8 years – Leave a comment

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On Scrap Metal…

It’s oh-so-easy to make a bit of money selling on your old jewelery to rip-off companies through these cash-for-gold websites –…

On mocking Jehovah, and mocking him hard…

a source of endless material for deity-curious atheists and acolytes of The Holy Church of Don’t Be A Dick.

On weird charity shops

“That,” I said as we drove through the desolate wastes of Easton, “is the weirdest charity shop I have ever seen.”


You will note that Jaffa Cakes are omitted from this list. And that is because they are cake. Number One in the list of Top Ten Cake.

Shaving with Gravy

Unless you have extensive market research that proves the opposite, no man wants to shave his face with spunk, for it is ten shades of wron…

Petrol Station Woe

It’s that kind of person who makes me so angry that I nearly say something.

On the aftermath of the revloution to depose Hosn…

Congratulations to the people of Egypt for enduring in their peaceful revolution to overthrow the crooked regime of Hosni Mubarak and his c…

Fish Finger Sarnies – Woe

This on the back of breakfast cereals being sold in bowl-sized portions with a plastic spoon and a splash of milk. And let us not forget pr…

Biscuit Woe

No man should be forced to live with the affront and humiliation of soggy biscuit defeat through the complete tectonic failure of what I wr…

On Dark Matter

I note with some interest your theories on quantum physics, and offer you my expertise on the matter (geddit?).

On Improvising In The Kitchen

“We were out of chocolate sprinkles.” / “And…?” / “I improvised.”

On Finally Acknowledging The Truth

“I’m sorry sir, we’re completely out of rhubarb crumble. Would you like to choose something else?” Quel horreur! Wh…
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