misguided angel

You made me feel something that I hadn’t felt since I was a kid.

You

made me

fall.

I felt like
a lost bird
with a broken
wing.

I
didn’t know
where home
was.

And
I couldn’t
fly.

I knew you were broken too.
I knew there was still a wounded boy inside your half-man body.

I could see how lost you were, how vulnerable.

I could see

you.

But
I still
wanted you

to hold me.

To
wrap me
in the
weathers
of your
hands
until
my blood
felt
warm
again.

To
offer me
your bare skin
to rest
my
weary bones
against.

But you loved someone else.

So I swallowed my heart and walked home.

Ten years went by.

I thought about you sometimes.

When light turned to dark.
When I smelt an old page.
When I saw a skinny man in a torn jumper.

The dream in the absence of you gave me something to long for.
Something to keep me young with wonder.
To me, you were the most beautiful person in the world, because you gave me a dream.

So I kept you alive in my heart.

Sometimes I ran through empty streets with you when I felt scared.
Sometimes we rowed a boat on a grassy field when I needed to smile.
Sometimes you painted me, when I felt ugly.

I knew if you were there, it would be ok.

Men started finding me.
And after while I let them.
Some cared about me for no reason.
And filled my fridge when I couldn’t afford food.
Some broke my heart and sometimes I broke theirs.
But whatever happened, whoever
I could always close my eyes and run to you, if I needed to.

I remember the day you found me again
how I cried when I opened the door
and saw you leaning against the fence

I remember the way
your hand felt
when you ran it along
my shoulders and whispered
‘god you’re beautiful, wish I’d never left’
and how much it hurt in my guts
when I knew

I knew I had to say

’I’m sorry, I can’t.’

misguided angel

s sansom

Paris, France

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  • EcstaticFear
  • s sansom
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