job hunting (250808)

pick me pick me
I love life
it’s great
I’m always cheerful
smiling
love what you do
let me be a part of it
let me let me

let me drop the mask and fall to the ground weeping

cynical
distrustful
doubting
contemptuous
suspicious of sincerity
disbelieving in goodness
rip up human nature and chuck it away
reject
reject
don’t buy this

words can tell any story you like

beat me
attack me
thwack with sticks til I whimper
hurt me
make sense of my pain

I wouldn’t give me a job

well hah, I would, I almost believe the lies too
I sound worth giving a job to
I look plausible on paper
I can grin at you in real life

and you cant see I am rotting on the inside

putrefying flesh
a soul decayed
reeking
of poison

job hunting (250808)

trish b

Joined July 2008

  • Artist
    Notes

Artist's Description

I wrote this a few days ago – it’s pretty grim – I’m tired of sitting number-crunching out how many hours of minimum-wage-work i need to do each week just to break even – it’s heartbreaking, everything just hurts hurts hurts – I battled for so long for the degree I wanted to finish so badly and know i will never be able to use it. I did the degree for me – I’m not cross about it, I knew it was never a pathing-stone to income, but the sting now is no lesser for that knowledge

I wish life hurt less – I wish this disease didn’t have it’s claws in me so deeply that it zapped all the sparkle out of me – I refuse to let it define me, refuse to be labelled “ill”, and yet limping along it seems so hard not to feel it has won

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