Life gets heavier

Hi everyone,
I would like you all to know that I will once again be away for a while. I can not be still enough within to be meaningful here with comments or my work or my groups.
I await results from a PET scan this week, this will inform myself and my doctors as to IF this is cancer they are seeing on my lung and IF and where it has spread to. I have lived on this fence now for weeks. I have had doctors tell me it is nothing, it is something, it is cancer, it is scarring, you will need surgery, you will not…I want to scream in the madness this has placed in my mind! I have cried endless hours, paced the floors, pretended to go on…and yet I stand still…WAITING! Waiting to know if I will live or die, waiting to know what choices I will have, or better yet what choice I want to make about this all.
I have no one in my life, family long ago turned their backs on me, even my children…so I walk this path with my dogs beside me for comfort and company, we keep the faith together.
Last night I ran my little Cocker Spaniel to the vet for what I thought to be an infection…I got thrown on another fence there as well. Part of what is wrong is indeed infection and can be treated, but part may very well be lymph cancer, in which case I may loose him. My heart sank with those words. It is a matter of waiting on his diagnosis as well…so together Tucker and I sit on that terminal fence with Rosie (my springer) sticking very close and offering us both comfort.
Needless to say I need some time out here…I will drop in when I have some moments of peace within, I will check my mail, and moderate my group…but please understand I will not comment…that would not be kind to any of you to not put my all into such right now.
Please, I ask of you all to keep Tucker and myself in your hearts and to wish us well on this insidious journey we have been placed on by our creators.
Hugs to all of you
Pamela

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