Fake Memoirs III

Let me introduce myself.

I’m that girl the boys would take home to their Mum and then ravish at the drive in. That kid who worked hard at school and moved out before she was an inconvenience to her family. I’m the voyeur who slipped secret notes into strangers pockets in the street, and sent flowers to oldies who lived alone. The woman who takes a squirt of perfume from department stores to see if her lover will accuse her of infidelity. I’m that chick who spits around the boys and wears high heels to the dentist.

When I got home today my pantyhose had ladders all up the backs. I pulled out a pen and drew little ladders through the holes all up my skin. Maybe tomorrow I’ll go to the tattoo parlor and keep them forever. Like that puppy I always wanted. I ran out of tonic last night, not that it matters. If I dig the pen into my legs the alcohol will burn my ladders down. I wonder if I could start a real fire in here? If I could trust myself to watch it and not let it spread. Or if I’d burn the lot?

That guy I’m seeing said he’d head over later. I wonder if he’ll be wearing his belt? My last boyfriend had the same one but it wasn’t for holding up his pants.

Tomorrow is some family thing. I’m supposed to bring a salad. I bought lettuce on the way home, and asked this ugly dude near the fruit if I could take him on a date. He was married, which of course is the only reason I asked. I got to the check out and they’d run out of my cigarettes. My family doesn’t know I smoke anyway, and so long as I arrive with a salad in my arms they will pretend along with me that I’m still that girl from two decades ago.

I still am, only now I take it for granted. Being smart and subtle might have taken me far once, but the way the world is now, I’m just another anybody. It’s actually smarter and more subtle to pretend I’m not.

Fake Memoirs III

Jo O'Brien

Melbourne, Australia

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