The purpose of this text is to bring some sort of enlightenment to all you earthlings. To extract you from the darkness of your own foolish egotism and guide you into the illuminated world of true knowledge. This can only be accomplished by reading between the lines that are written herein. If you’re wading through this text then I know you have the ability to read but the question remains, will you be able to understand and interpret what you’re reading? I know you can understand English but can you also understand the language of satire and sardonic humor? Only you can answer those questions! Hopefully you have a keen mind and an appreciation of the ironic. Hopefully you will not be seduced by your own ego into thinking this text has no significance and that everything within these pages should be ignored. That would be about as far away from the truth as you can get. In order to assist you in interpreting the written word, allow me to give you a few suggestions. Firstly you must open that closed mind! Unfortunately, most of you human beings do have closed minds. When you stop thinking, you stop learning! Don’t allow those little human brains to insinuate that what is written here is the beginning and end of all knowledge. Finally, just relax and give yourself about twenty minutes of quiet time. That’s all it will take to read this booklet. You now have my permission to proceed!
Today, as this manuscript is being prepared, there are two roving robots exploring the surface of Mars. They were sent there from earth to find out if there ever was any water, atmosphere or some form of life on that planet. What a waste of time and money! You earthlings really are very foolish beings. If those silly scientists had talked to me first, I could have given them all the information they needed. I guess they wouldn’t look so smart if they asked me, a descendant of Martians, any questions they needed answered. I do have all the answers to all their questions, about Mars and many other parts of the universe. If all those elitist snobs would put aside their pride and seek my perspicacious counsel, then they wouldn’t have to waste all that time and money doing useless research. To begin with, I can assure you that many, many thousands of years ago there was intelligent life on Mars. I can also assure you, that intelligence far surpassed human intelligence then and it still does today. Whether you want to believe it or not, There are many beings like myself, who are descendants of Martians, living among you right now. We tolerate your ignorant human behavior only because we taught you everything you know. I will explain how this came to pass in the following paragraphs.
My ancestors came to this planet many thousands of years ago when you humans were still walking around with your knuckles scraping the ground. The intelligence phase of your development hasn’t changed much since that time. Mentally, most of you are still walking around with your knuckles scraping the ground. You earthlings seem to enjoy wallowing in your own ignorance. This is one human attribute that we were not able to change. Be that as it may, allow me to continue enlightening you with this historical information. Those many thousands of years ago my ancestors were forced to flee from Mars. Earth being the closest habitable planet, is where many of them resettled. The answer to your question is yes! Being a highly intelligent and advanced society, Martians traveled the universe with ease and are still doing so today. Why does that surprise you? The circumstances that led to that exodus were unbelievable. At that time Mars was a lot closer to the Earth than it is now. The Earth, being larger and having more gravity, was sucking all the oxygen away from Mars. An entire fleet of spaceships was built within a few months. The larger ships went to many other parts of the universe. The smaller ships only had enough fuel to reach Earth. The remnants of those ships are scattered all over the place. Your foolish scientists believe them to be ancient meteorites.
Upon their arrival Martians encountered prehistoric man. Other than physical characteristics, modern man is still the same creature now that he was then – mentally! Now don’t go getting yourself in a snit. The only knowledge you have is what you learned from we, your Martian superiors. That’s just a matter of fact so just accept it and get on with your life. When we got here you Earthlings didn’t know how to make a fire to cook your food. You ate raw meat and some of you are still doing that in this day and age. If we didn’t teach you how to cook your food most of your ancestors would have died from intestinal disorders. Do you really believe that man invented the wheel? Oh please – grow up! Humans couldn’t invent anything without Martian instructions. Who do you think trained you to ride horses? Do you really believe humans invented Saran Wrap, the automobile and airplane without Martian instruction? We were beginning to think that educating humans was a lost cause. That may still be the case but we continue to struggle with this dilemma. Down through the ages we continued to impart our superior knowledge to you. Sometimes we wonder why we even bother. You are the most mentally dense beings that we ever have encountered but because we are not easily discouraged, we keep trying. Who knows, one day you may rise above your own ignorance, put aside your egos and become more Martian like? I have trouble believing that but one never knows, do one?
Actually, the first thing we had to teach you silly creatures was to walk in an erect manner. Martians kept screaming at your ancestors “Stop slouching! – “Stop slouching!” Fortunately most of you finally learned to walk in an erect manner. That’s right, I said most not all! We had to stop you from being cannibals. We kept telling you animals are for food, fellow humans are not. Fortunately almost all of you stopped your cannibalistic behavior. That’s right, I said almost all of you! There are also many of you became vegetarians because you still have a problem distinguishing animals from humans, so you refuse to eat any meat at all. That was a step forward but without a varied diet you continue to cause yourselves all kinds of medical problems. A real tough problem was trying to teach you to eat with utensils and not your hands. Once again Martians had to keep screaming at you to stop eating like animals and eat like human beings. We haven’t had too much success in that area but we will keep trying. We’re still not sure what to do about the lousy attitudes you have but do not despair; we don’t intend to abandon you to your own ignorance – yet!
The best way I can think of to describe human behavior is with one word, abominable. Generally speaking, you treat one another like pieces of crap. I have serious doubts about you earthlings ever changing your despicable and ignorant ways. Since you have trouble understanding the obvious let me explain things in greater detail. When you are confronted with another of your species that commits acts of unbelievable evil, you seek to rehabilitate that individual. You think it would be inhumane to destroy that person. Many of you also believe it to be inhumane to incarcerate that individual for life. The only thing that does is give an evil creature the opportunity to commit more acts of evil. Many of you believe that animals should not be slain for any reason even when that reason is to feed a growing population. Yet you same people believe it’s perfectly all right to destroy the innocent and helpless of your own sorry species. In case you’re too stupid to understand what’s being said, I’m talking about the unborn and newly born. You seem to have no problem killing them. When you commit that despicable act you cloak yourselves in the mantle of what you insist are your civil rights. If that’s not an egotistical crock of crap, nothing is!
There is one thing you humans have an awful lot of and that is – chutzpa. I don’t know where that comes from. We Martians certainly didn’t teach it to you. We believe that like most of your other faults, it’s part of your genetic makeup. At the present time there’s nothing we can do about that but being optimistic we always look to the future. Our future is assured, yours is in serious doubt! We instructed you in caring for your planet’s environment and using its natural resources wisely. So what do you idiots do? On one hand many of you do everything you possibly can to destroy the environment. On the other hand there are others who think that by not using your natural resources at all, you are protecting the environment. Do you understand what the words common sense and moderation mean? Natural resources only exist to be used – but they must be used wisely. They must be managed with some degree of common sense. The word resource means assets, property, wealth etc. Do you own one of those dictionaries we wrote for you? Those things are meant to be used and if you use and manage them wisely they will last indefinitely, because natural resources do replenish themselves. Unfortunately you humans do the same thing but you don’t manage yourselves very well either.
One of the more important things we tried to teach you was how to educate your children. For a while you were doing very well and we thought we had succeeded but that thought didn’t last very long. All of a sudden you went off on all sorts of tangents. You seem to have forgotten about the basics of education like reading, writing and arithmetic. Those of you who are supposed to be educators think it’s more important to teach children about sex and all sorts of degenerate behavior. Trust me, there is not a creature living that has to be educated about sex. I assure you, it all comes naturally. As far as you educators go, you have failed miserably! You parents aren’t off the hook either. Didn’t we give you specific instructions on rearing children? Didn’t we tell you that it was your job to teach them about morals and ethical behavior? Are you so dense that you didn’t understand those instructions or do you deliberately ignore them? If we could fire you from that job we would but we can’t, so your children are stuck with you. That’s really a sorry state of affairs! It seems the harder we try to educate you, the more obstinate you become. The more we teach you how to think about things with an open mind, the more close-minded you become.
Next we have those distinguished and esteemed marvels of education, the medical profession. Talk about thickheaded creatures, they take the blue ribbon. All around the earth you have forests and fields full of herbs and other medicinal plants. We showed you medicine men how to use them to cure almost every human malady that exists. We built equipment for you to cure the rest. So what do you “geniuses” do? The first thing you do is begin poking and probing every orifice in your victim’s body. Failing to diagnose the illness, you send the victim off to one of those so-called specialists who immediately inundate the poor creature with toxic chemicals that you call medication. After that it’s off to the operating room where the unwary creature is cut open, has its internal organs rearranged, sewed back up and sent home, never to be the same again. If the poor beast is lucky it may live for a few more years. Time and time again we tutored you on how to diagnose illnesses. Time and time again we showed you how to use the diagnostic equipment we designed for you. It seems that was all to no avail! We keep telling you, you’re not supposed to torture the patient, you’re supposed to cure him and in this day and age that should be done without any pain. In spite of all that you still have the audacity to strut around deceiving your peers into thinking that you are the most knowledgeable of your species. What a joke!
Speaking of jokes, how about the political leaders and lawmakers that you earthlings keep electing into office? In addition, you have those champions of ignorance, your movie idols and the like. We Martians get a big laugh out of watching those idiots in action – - but you all take them seriously. That’s another thing we find very difficult to understand. What we do understand is that the mental capacity of your species is very low. We try very hard to compensate for that and have placed the standards for your education as low as possible. Most of you still have a problem with meeting those standards. If we make them any lower we will have to include jackasses and swine on an equal standing with humans and educate all of you using the same standards. We simply don’t have the time or manpower to accomplish that. After all we are not Gods! We are only mere Martians and we do the best we can. At times we see a spark of intelligence in some of you and that encourages us to continue our work. Right now our failures outnumber our successes but we hope to see that change in the not too distant future. We are seriously considering using frontal lobotomies on all of you to change your idiotic and abominable behavior. We hope it doesn’t have to come to that, mainly because it would be a long and labor intensive procedure.
Why can’t you all be more cooperative? Why can’t you all cease being so destructive and disagreeable with one another? We Martians have been living in peace with each other and the rest of the universe for millions of years. Right now, as this text is being written, there are several million humans who are intending to destroy the rest of your species unless you acquiesce to their demand. That demand is that you abandon your own religion or atheism – and join their religion. They are what you all refer to as radical Muslims. In truth they are among the most ignorant of your species and are easy prey for the many evil ones that dwell among you. By the way, those evil creatures are unfortunately among the most intelligent. That’s why they find it easy to amass large followings. When we inhabited Mars evil beings were not allowed to exist. That’s also true of the rest of the universe. When any entity showed a penchant for evil it was immediately destroyed. That’s why these evil creatures have found a haven for themselves right here on your Earth. We don’t have the authority to demand that you destroy them – that has to be your decision. They will never leave Earth because they know what’s waiting for them everywhere else in the universe. I assure you, if these evil ones are not stopped, one day the Earth will return to its original condition – without human beings! At that point, we Martians will have the authority to destroy those evil creatures.

By now I’m sure you realize that we Martians are far, far superior to all you Earthlings. As a matter of fact so are all other beings in the universe but in all probability you will never get to see or ever hear from any of them. In spite of our superiority, have we tried to enslave or subjugate you in any way? Of course not! Why do you Earthlings continuously enslave and subjugate one another? Maybe it’s because you all are too stupid to behave in a civilized manner. By now you do also realize how uncivilized you are, don’t you? Since we’ve been here we have been trying to teach you how to be civilized but we might as well try teaching pigs how to fly. Speaking of animals, I must tell you that we’ve had more success teaching some of the animals on Earth to be civilized than we’ve had with you. We thought you were superior to the rest of the animal life on Earth but we now have serious doubts about that.
A Martian would never think of being rude, nasty or abusive to another Martian. Politeness is an inherent way of Martian life. Martians never scream at each other during a debate. We spend half the time listening intently without interrupting the speaker and the other half speaking without being interrupted. You would be surprised at how quickly issues get resolved using that method of discussion. The obvious manifests itself when common sense rules. That’s why Martian society has achieved such a great degree of superiority. During debates on Earth, the obvious is rarely recognized and the insignificant becomes conspicuous. You creatures seem to believe the louder you speak, the more significant is your argument. You refuse to understand that the loudness of your voices indicates your ignorance of the subject at hand. In addition, at that point all learning ceases and the possibility of accomplishing anything constructive disappears. It’s hard to believe, when Martians began their existence they started out pretty much the same as you Earthlings did. Of course, we’ve been in existence a lot longer than you have but that still doesn’t excuse your inherent simple-mindedness.
Martian politics is completely different than the politics of Earthlings. Simply put, Martian politicians have very little power and Martian politics is a part- time job. The laws, rules and regulations that we live by are very simple. They only need an occasional tweaking to keep them up to date. Why should any politician be required to work full time to accomplish that? Here on earth, you have a serious political problem. In order to satisfy their own egos – Martians do not have egos – your politicians must maintain their power. They promote their own job security by writing and rewriting senseless and unnecessary laws. We don’t understand why you allow this nonsense to continue. You do vote, don’t you? We Martians do not mindlessly follow any leader like you Earthlings do. Our leaders are in reality only job coordinators. They meet once a month with their fellow politicians to review past events and make plans for the future. Because of our extremely high intelligence, this is not a very time consuming job and any Martian is capable of doing it. While here on this planet we mingle with you Earthlings but we live by our own laws and in our own civilized society. Because of our magnanimous nature, we continue trying to educate you thankless creatures so you can have a better existence.
Speaking of education, what you have done with your educational system is incredibly senseless. You don’t seem to realize how important it is to educate your children. Don’t you understand that the future of your planet is in their hands? I do realize that because of our naturally higher intelligence, Martian children are very easy to educate. Martian education begins at a very early age and never stops. The quest for knowledge has always been a part of our genetic composition. This makes the education of our children very uncomplicated. They absorb facts with ease and unlike your schooling, discipline is not a part of the curriculum. I would hazard a good guess that none of you know that all of your most intelligent scholars and scientists are in reality Martians. Left to your own devices, without us, very little would have been accomplished here on this planet. While we are here we will continue trying to make this a better place for you to live in. I personally believe this is all just an exercise in futility but we are obligated to keep trying in spite of your obstinate mentality. The fruits of Martian education are evident all over the world. All the scientific advancements made on this planet are due in most part to Martians. So are all the medical and philanthropic achievements. We Martians are also a very benevolent people.
Reason, logic and common sense dominate Martian existence. In your society common sense is not very common, as a matter of fact it is almost non-existent. If we didn’t teach you how to use reason and logic those things wouldn’t exist either. Due to our superior intelligence we live lives of great fulfillment, creativity and contentment. Our minds are never idle. We are even able to solve problems in our sleep. Because of our contentment, we need very little sleep. One or two hours a day are more than enough. You Earthlings on the other hand would be better off if you spent more of your time sleeping. Most of your waking hours are worthless anyway! Your desire for wealth, power and materialism dominates your existence. At this point I must tell you, we have become pretty disgusted with your belligerence and thickheaded attitudes.
At this time I have some bad news for you. We Martians have become so overwrought with your abominable human behavior that we have decided to leave this planet. Even with our superior intelligence, we can’t take it anymore! We have located another planet more suitable to our needs. It is located in a far distant galaxy, millions and millions of light years away. Without us to guide you I don’t know how much longer any of you will be able to survive. This other planet, which shall remain nameless, is much better suited to meet our needs. There is an atmosphere much like Earth’s and plenty of water. There are animals, birds, fish, insects and every other form of life necessary to sustain a well-balanced ecological system. Most important of all, there are no lower life forms on that planet, like Earthlings, that will need us to educate them. After all our years here on Earth we just couldn’t go through that ordeal again. We are going to accept this experiment as the only Martian failure ever and get on with our own lives. We truly regret not having been successful in raising you all out of that wretchedness you live in, but that’s the way it goes.
You’re probably wondering how we are going to get to our new home. Not to worry! Right now at NASA, there are plans on the drawing boards for new space ships. The prototypes will be built within a year or so. They will be incredibly fast and develop warp speeds never heard of before. By now I’m sure you know that the scientists responsible for the design of these ships are all Martians. Under our direction we’re going to make sure that enough prototypes are built to carry us all away from this planet. Your scientists will believe these space ships to be prototypes but we Martians know different. We Martians, with our superior knowledge, do not have to build prototypes. Everything we design works perfectly the first time it’s made. You may find that hard to believe but I assure you it’s true. I know exactly what you’re thinking! You think, once we are gone you will be able to follow us by building more of these ships using the same plans. That’s just not going to happen! You see, we’re going to take all those plans with us. Left to your own devices you will never be able to duplicate what we designed. None of you are that smart! The furthest you humans will ever get is to Mars, the planet that once was our home, before your Earth sucked the entire atmosphere away from it.
In some ways we are going to miss you silly creatures. There were times when your antics were very amusing. Unfortunately, most of the time your actions were and still are, unbelievably stupid. There is no point in dwelling on your boorish conduct, obviously there is nothing that can be done about it. When we are gone you will have to survive as best you can. We can only advise you not to get discouraged and to keep trying. Miracles do happen! Occasionally we intent to send one of our own space ships back with a team of anthropologists just to see how you’re doing. Don’t bother looking for them, you will never know they’re here. We would just like the information they gather for our scientific journals. We do keep very accurate and up to date records. For now we wish you all the best and hope your species survives for at least another fifty years or so. It’s all up to you!

To further illustrate what knuckle headed assholes you Earthlings are, there are some of you who have read this text and up to this point really believe this bullshit! Pardon my French but those words were the most descriptive that immediately came to my mind. People from Mars – - get real! I don’t know how to break this to you but there are not now nor have there ever been Martians. The only forms of human life that we will ever get to see are right here on this planet called Earth, so get used to it! Is your life so empty that you need something imaginary to believe in? Are you so gullible that you believe anything anybody tells you? Is your mind so simple that you believe everything you read? Don’t you have enough common sense to question the credibility of everything you read and hear? Are you one of those people who seek to adopt a fictitious religion because you are dissatisfied with your own? Other than God himself, do you really think there is some other superior intelligence out there that can bring contentment into your life? Think carefully and be honest with yourself before you answer those questions. The quality of your future depends on that honesty.
Stop looking for some imaginary deity that might comfort you in your times of turmoil and dilemma. That imaginary deity does not exist! In your search for a superior intelligence to guide you in times of confusion, why do you look to the stars and distant galaxies? Don’t you realize, all the information you will ever need to assist and guide you through life, is available to you right here? It has always been here right under your nose. It’s just a case of “You can’t see the forest for the trees.” Let me torment you with several more questions. When confronted with a question of what is right and what is wrong, do you have a problem distinguishing between the two? When you are confused and don’t know what decisions to make, who do you turn to for advice? I know, you have a close friend who is your mentor. The next question is, does that friend live an untroubled life? Then what makes you think he or she can solve all your problems? The resolution to all our problems and answers to all our questions exist in one reference book. It’s called the Bible!
It’s time for all of us to wake up or grow up, whatever the case may be, and realize that there is only one Omnipotent Intelligence. I’m not asking you to read the entire bible and try to interpret everything in there. That’s all best left to theologians. However, using it as a reference book is not that difficult. Since the beginning of our existence, God has instructed us through the words of the many prophets. Evidently that wasn’t enough for us. He presented Moses with a set of very simple rules for us to live by that could bring contentment into our lives. That too was not enough. Finally He sent his only Son Jesus Christ, to die on the cross for our transgressions. When is enough going to be enough? When will we put aside our gigantic egos and accept the fact that God does not exist to serve us but we exist only to serve Him! Living an honorable, decent life and teaching this to our children can do that. I know – - I know – - you’re all waiting for the “Second Coming”. I don’t know exactly how to break this to you but that “Second Coming” might well be, when we meet Jesus Christ face to face in the hereafter.
There is only one final question that must asked before bringing this diatribe to a close. Are you an Earthling or are you a Martian?

- – - GOTCHYA! – - -


Paul Ali

Joined October 2008

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