Diary of a Contact Lens Wearer

Day 1

I went to get my new soft contact lenses. I’m supposed to end up with one lens eventually, but the doc felt I should start with 2. I’m farsighted, so right off the bat putting them in was an issue. I mean, if you can’t see close up, and you can’t wear your glasses, how are you supposed to see what you’re doing.

Next I spent about an hour, with my great lens coach Verna, trying to put the contacts in by myself. It’s like practicing sticking your finger in your eye while trying to hold your own eye open. You’re told to put your left arm up over the back of your head, grab your eyelid and hold it open, while pulling your lower lid down with the right hand middle finger and inserting the lens with your right pointer finger. Yeah. Right. But after trying a kazillion times I DID IT! I was SO excited, I got them in!!! Then Verna says, “Okay, now you learn to take them out.” Really? Can’t I just leave them in, like forever now that they’re in there? NO. So, now I pull my right lower eyelid down,with my middle right finger while sort of squeezing or pinching the lens off of my eye with my thumb and index finger. Yep. Lots of fun. That was not lots f fun, but I finally did it. And then I had to put them back in. I went home and took a very long nap.

Day 2
Tried, tried, tried to get them in. Got the right one in, lost the left one. My husband came home and I told him that he couldn’t pee until he found it for me (sorry, but first things first). He found it crumpled at the edge of the doorway dried out like a dead slug. So I washed it off, soaked it and put it’s mate in the little white bed and went to bed. (Yeah, now I know you’re not supposed to reuse lenses you step on and dehydrate. ).

Day 3
Put in the right lens in (only 9 tries this time). Lost the left lens. Call in husband, who doesn’t find it but suggests maybe it’s in my PJ top pocket. I roll my eyes (ow) and laugh at him. After he leaves, I check my right pocket. Yep there it is. Finally get them both in. sigh. Clear vision is worth it – all most.

Day 4
Put the right lens in. Lost the left lens. Search, and searched, checked pockets, sink, floor, flowering plants, toilet paper roll, toilet brush – nope. Give up. That night I picked up my tooth brush, and there it was! Staring innocently up from the end of my tooth brush. Put i t in to soak and go to bed.

Day 5
I’ve finally figured out that I needed to buy a close-up mirror and all is well. I haven’t lost one since. Shopping and going out to eat is so much nicer when I don’t have to dig out my glasses to read price tags, ingredients or the menu! or forget my glasses and have to shop blind.

So, even after all my Lucy and Ethel experiences, I highly recommend the mono-lens for folks who are near sighted. Eventually, I’m supposed to end up with only one lens that I leave in (yes, night and day) for a whole month. THAT will be really cool.

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