Just A Small Celebration

I didn’t go anywhere to celebrate Christmas, but I sent my boys to go visit my wife’s family and do the same thing we have been doing for over 36 years. I didn’t want to stink the feeling of this joyous holiday with my lost and it was going to be very painful to be there opening presents without my deceased wife. However, the next day I did attend a graduation for a niece of ours with the same family members at the same house. I felt better and after almost seven months of not seeing them it was easier to my heart. We hugged, smiled and went on and we celebrated in a different manner and I believed they understood how her death has changed me. We didn’t use the Christmas theme, and it just happened that way, but it made me part of the family again. Next year, God’s willing, perhaps I will be stronger and the painful 2009 emotional year of loosing her will make me stronger and I can regain my inner strength of less pity and less guilt. Maybe I will celebrate, but the wedding of my youngest son is January 23, and I know what my emotions will be walking in to the church and the wedding hall where the dance will take place. My son’s future wife and him asked me if I wanted to cancel the wedding for later, or leave the dance part out. I refused even though I will be feeling blue, I will hide it so that I will not stink the wedding because as I stated to them that my wife died knowing when the wedding was going to take place. I will place a picture inside my pocket of the tuxedo and she will watch from there.

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