Passover

she swallows decades old anger daily
it has turned into tension between joint
accounts
and seemingly inexplicable headaches.
she will not trust me with her feelings and
continues to ignite the gas in her lungs
speech obliterated by walls of
silence
before her voice can become
music.
conversations are now TV commercials
and she won’t stay to watch a documentary.

how the fuck do I not pop her bubble?
I think, as I continue to
polish spikes
that it’s taken years for me to sharpen
I have indeed sat motionless
watching her face turn red
with rage and upset, tears and
heartache.
when he walks in however she has already
swallowed the lot into a smile
the kind of one that tells children
that feelings don’t matter

my eyes reflect too much and she’s desperate
-ly keeping the talking going and
floating
in shallow water
because I might say something
like this is not healthy
you are not happy
this is not right, respectful or kind
and if her feelings are always in the dark then
no, change will never come in the shape of her heart

so tell him
soon

Passover

Ninishabini

Auckland, New Zealand

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