Introspectives (sometimes between 1999 and 2000)

I was wondering what’s going on in my head, I always wonder what’s going on in my head, I try to self analyze myself with little success I believe, I wonder who is to blame for the way I turned out. I wonder what specific moments turned me into such an unhappy person.
But I don’t know if I’d ever been happy, well at least not for long enough. I can’t remember being happy at all. Life has always felt like a struggle, never easy, never.
I’m just waiting for life to become stable for me an averagly straight line with slight degrees of ups and downs not just with huge downs with small up times . the ups never seem to compenstae the downs partly because i know that soon, pretty soon
the bad times will come back again with much more strength. I’ll be knocked down again and again and again.


The thoughts I have
are they inside my head
or am I so in tune with
people’s true emotions?

Am I just being stupid
when I feel you are
just using me?

Am I just imagining
that people are so
self obsessed?

Am I the only one
who truly cares
about his friends?

The games that people play,
I hate them with a vengeance.
They screw up with my head
and leave me with confusion.

Summer 2001

Journal Comments

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