Releasing The Swallow

Now I don’t know what’s worse to me these days
The feeling she brought me, or watching it fade away,
The warmth I felt just thinking of her face
Or the sting of actually not having her everyday.
Was it the red of her blushing at my words sometimes
Or the crimson of the knife that slid clear through my heart,
Perhaps it was her words when we met so very long ago that kept me going
Or the same ones now that are shredding me apart.
I thought that at some point in our lives
That lingering dream haunting would be true,
Scary and beautiful, terrifying yet magnificent
Of me spending all of me always with you.
But I am not what can be considered an easy man
Enigmatic with an unrelenting complication to my mind,
And it was maybe in my naive psyche
That you would never have left me behind.
My mistakes are my own, but I can learn
My anger is unbridled, but can be silenced,
My love is undeniable and true
My mind speaks volumes of hurt and violence.
And I held her there within inked hands
Admired her beauty for she was a piece of me I lost long ago,
But I tore her wings and wouldn’t let her breathe
Behind chained doors so the world wouldn’t ever know.
So they couldn’t take her out of my grasp
While she whispered honest chirps of admiration,
But I know now I was being selfish and she was dying
Underneath what I though was my love and protection.
And we sat in that empty place voided
Where the past ended but the future had yet to start,
She fluttered and she squeaked in my hands
And grew every year as a piece of my heart.
But now dear one I have taken you for granted
And I see you can never truly be mine,
You were always more than I had ever deserved
Perhaps something slightly above divine.
So I folded my hands not so tightly
Her beautiful wings folded behind colors that shined,
And then I told her I’m not worthy for what I’ve done
And I want you to leave my far behind.
I closed my eyes and for once my hands opened up to the heavens
And she finally breathed in a world so happy and real,
I tried not cry, tried not to flinch
But certain feelings you cannot conceal.
I’ve known this realization for some time now
Denied the truth for it never gave me peace,
But maybe I’ll never be worthy to hold love in any form
And with open hands I whispered release.

Releasing The Swallow


Joined October 2015

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