Breaking the Surface

My car speeds down the road and I stick my hand out of the window. Such a violent force pressing against my flesh and yet it feels so calm to me. I think to myself, this is how it feels…
We stood together for so long you and I. But you were never content to be silent. Your wicked voice was always just a whisper. Until you left, disappearing into the water of the lake that stood before us. You beckoned for me to follow with the voice of a siren. And like a fool I did. The water was so calm, so soothing to my body and mind. My mind that was so bright then, so uncluttered, and still my own. My body that was bronze with days spent in too much sunlight and unpoisoned by any chemicals. But your voice sounded so sweet from the clear water beneath me.
I submerged myself just a little.
This world beneath the surface was so different from the one I had just known. The water wrapped my body in a cocoon that was filled with the absence of all emotion save one; pure rapture. I felt so amazing drifting there just beneath the surface, the people and things I had left behind mattered so little to me. I did not long for them, I longed only for this feeling to continue, to intensify. Sunlight that was not reflected was refracted, and it danced around me, through me it seemed. The shallows exploded with the purest of lightbeams.
But still you called and still I followed.
Sinking deeper the emotion changed. It was no longer rapture but oblivion. There was a slight pressure at this depth but it was a small price to pay for such a wonderful feeling. The sun still lit these depths, but there were a few cold pockets the light could not warm. I began to forget the life I had left behind. Faces and places blurred together and faded from my mind’s eye. My breath was starting to run out and I thought briefly of returning to the surface. But the voice of reason was ignored because I still had to find you.
I sunk deeper.
The pressure was almost unbearable down here. There was almost no light, a shadow covered everything. And there were so many ghosts. They drifted on invisible currents, faces sunken in. The faces of people I used to know. They reached out to me but those bony hands just passed right through my body. I could feel nothing, I could not remember the way back. My lungs were going to burst.
It was then that I saw you and you looked just like me. Or at least you did, until you started to look like the ghosts. And I longed for death because I did not want to become one of those things floating on the current, but my breath would not seem to run out and as badly as I wanted to leave, I also wanted to stay.
I need to leave you here, in the darkness, in the deep. I need to break the surface.

Breaking the Surface

mtda

Transfer, United States

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