Oh to be Hardcore!

When I was red with rage,
purple with my passion,
I barely wrote. Pathetic

really. I clutched my sense
of self like a security blanket,
wrapping my doona misery

like a savage rebuttal
of my actual personality,
Denial of who I want to be.

I wanted to twist words,
yet could barely speak while
warping kindness for concrete

hardness. I misunderstood
that vulnerability is not
softness – it is genuine.

I exchanged my usual “softness”
for vicious vengeance against
men. Pathetic really. Wretched.

I wanted to annihilate men;
anyone who did not understand
me, my fear, my loathing.

I know my shit, I’ve seen shit,
been through shit, eaten shit.
I hate men, they’re just shit.

Unbelievable the lies we tell
ourselves. Believe me? I don’t
even believe me; such hysteria!

Forlorn coupling, and never giving
a real number so you don’t
have to wonder … Will he call?

Won’t he? Do I care?
Why do I care?
I hate men, they’re shit.

Denial of who I want to be.
I am weak, soul-destroyed
with misplaced hardness.

Trying to pour concrete
where it has no place;
the softness of a glance.

Words which make you
feel lighter, hugged, sweeter
than bloody daiquiris!

The moment when someone
says It will be alright.
You will be fine.

This is an argument
you want to have!
How can you believe

It will be alright?
You will be fine?
As if! And yet

You will be. You are.
You know. This shit’s real.
And it’s so good to feel

something true, genuine,
more than the rage,
the crimson flashes

behind your eyes,
the clenched hands.
You feel anew

and it’s so much more
than the same old shit.
It’s you.

Oh to be Hardcore!


Joined March 2009

  • Artist
  • Artwork Comments 6

Artist's Description

Inspired by Randall: TALES TOLD BY AN IDIOT: Hardcore Like Pilates -08/09/2012

It has been a long time since I listened to Beck, but this type of writing takes me back to 1990s angst! Hope you enjoy Painted Eyelids – my favourite line in it is The limitations are limitless

I wake up and look upon your painted eyelids
The world is your oyster
And the trash bags are your kids
The ceiling is invisible
There’s a bird sinking’ through the sky
And every hour that passes
Is teaching me how to cry
Cuz it’s lonely here
In the ugly part of town
The buildings are all vacant
And the telephones are down

There’s a police siren singing
Like a tiger with no skin
The sewer drain is glowing
And I don’t know what state I’m in
And the river is on fire
There’s chemicals and debris
And all the roads are blocked off
Cuz they’re just too hard to see
So cancel my appointments
And set up a whole new show
Cuz I’m in need of a good hot meal
And a life to call my own

So get me a plate of money
And get me a blanket and a chair
The limitations are limitless
They’re floating through the air
Because it’s real and it’s true
The things I see in you
And there’s nothing I wouldn’t talk about
You’re the clearest dream
That ever drifted by

Artwork Comments

  • Donna19
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  • wildwomenlove
  • msdebbie
  • tori yule
  • msdebbie
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