Thing Schmee - Living for your possessions

Thing Schmee is taught through the wisdom of the ancient master, Born Po.

Born Po, orphaned young, barely survived as a beggar in the Goe Way Shu province. In his youth, he had the revelation that would lead to his future prosperity and happiness.
Born Po was walking past the houses of the wealthy on a stormy day in late autumn. He shivered in the cold, and cursed those who had food and shelter when he did not.
Then he noticed a monk who was meditating at a small shrine by the side of the road. The monk’s clothing was no better than Born Po’s, but he did not shiver. He seemed no better fed than Born Po, but his stomach did not grumble. Though he sat as exposed to the elements as Born Po, his meditation still brought him contentment.
And Born Po thought to himself, “What a schmuck!”

FIRST WISDOM
Always place your altar in the North of your dwelling. Offerings and prayers, however, can be made anyplace. Your household gods don’t give a damn about you anyway.

Never place fine furniture in the East, the direction of wood. Where do think termites live?

South is the direction of water. That is where your bathroom should be. Your house will smell awful if you tinkle on stone.

Do not place precious metals in the west side of your bedroom. That is where the window is, you fool, and your neighbor might reach in and grab them.

SECOND WISDOM
Negative energy accumulates wherever silver goes unpolished. Do you want to look like you can’t afford a servant?

Combine the harmonies of water and stone in the Southeast corner of your property. Build a waterfall that burbles gently as it flows over stone. That way, thieves might not notice the python.

Always be prepared for the eternal journey. Hide your burial goods well. Just because you can’t take it with you, doesn’t mean you should leave it lying around for someone else to find.

North is the direction of air. It is here you should keep your shoes. Let the wind carry to the air the size of your collection. Let the wind carry to the stars the shine of your buckles. Let the wind carry to your neighbors the smell of your feet.

THIRD WISDOM
Always have a mirror opposite the door of any room where great wealth accumulates. That way, when you walk in, you can see yourself owning all this great stuff!

Keep small coins inside a doorway to encourage wealth energy to enter. It is also wise to keep a blackjack handy, to be sure wealth energy stays.

Burning fragrant incense in the North of your dwelling brings a feeling of contentment, but it costs a bloody fortune so what’s the point?

Half a loaf is better than none, but grabbing three loaves and running is better than waiting in line at the supermarket.

Thing Schmee - Living for your possessions

Marc Grossberg

Hayward, United States

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THING SCHMEE
The Ancient Wisdom of Living for Your Possessions

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