"So I'll sing this song for everyone that's come out lost."

There’s a silence that engulfs my soul. My heart feels…corroded, and worn. I feel like I could never make the right partner for anyone, and all those feelings from the past week, have finally caught up with me.

I’m tired, and nostalgic; somewhat pained in the chest due to the emptiness you left me with. And, what I cannot piece together, is why you did this after the way you left me that fateful sunday with…a kiss, a hug, and an “I love you.” It’s the normal for me though, being blind-sided.

I can remember the very first time I liked someone, he left me with, “We should just be friends, I feel like you’re too innocent, and I don’t want to ruin that.” Yet, he did. Following that phrase, “We should do something friends do, let’s play video games.” and I just wanted him the hell out of my room. I remember telling him mom was going to be home soon, and making him leave. I sat in the blue chair, that at one point, we used to have. I remember the tears welling up in my eyes, and I shut everyone out of my life for a very large number of months, six to say the least.

I met Alex, and I fell head over heels in love with him. I won’t deny, that to this day, I wish I had been better to him. I still love him, and I’d still want to be with him. I did the breaking up though. I was frustrated because it felt like the love we had for each other, after 3 1/2 years, was gone. At least on his behalf. I rarely got an “I love you.” or a hug, a kiss, any form of tenderness. And I was probably to blame for that, as I only push the ones I love, away.

I ached, I knew I wanted completion, so I knew what I was looking for. I dated Nick for only two or so months, and while we hit it off at first, we were not compatible. I waited very shortly, and dated another Nick for almost four months. I honestly cared for him, and I still talk to him as a friend, but that’s just it. All I was ever good for, was the friend.

Those two relationships ended due to things that arised from somewhere I was not even aware of. I hate deceit, and this. This relationship, the one I fell…probably the hardest for aside from Alex, has left me in a bigger mess…than what I was with Alex. I was left with no answers, no reasoning as to why things suddenly weren’t working, except that there was a lot of “shit” going on.

I was then, of course, asked on a date a week after this mess, and it scared me. I thought I’d be more than able to step up to the plate and enjoy the single life, date around, but in that instant, my stomach knotted. I felt like I suddenly was pinned into something that I for once, did not want.

I deduced, after thinking and talking with someone I am very attracted to, and yet will never have a chance to be with, that…I don’t want to fall in love again. I don’t want to be hurt as bad as I was this time, and I don’t think I can handle it another round. While I find myself lonely, and wistful, my walls that I tore down for one man, and one man alone, have been rebuilt with a much sturdier basing. They’re firm, and unmovable, impenetrable. My heart is stone, and while I wish to cry as much as I may…

I cannot.

So I am left writing more true life happenings, while trying to find release. And for once, even writing is not solving my heart ache.

I am doomed to be a lonely person.

"So I'll sing this song for everyone that's come out lost."

Abigail F.

Holland, United States

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Artist's Description

Mm..it speaks for itself.

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  • Abigail F.
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