Sometimes, love is just too hard

‘Hold me for awhile, I need your touch. I don’t want to go again.’
‘Then stay, stay forever this time.’
‘You feel so warm, so intensely inviting.’
‘And you so cold, where have you been?’
’I’ve been away. On a trip, as ever. A holiday you might say.’
‘Oh darling I wish so much you would stay longer. Why do I see you so little? Why do you have to go away so often.? Where do you go? I miss you so much..’

The man used to visit regularly. In fact, for awhile, he spent every moment of his being, there, with the woman he adored. Adoring her. Soaking up the essence in her heart.

‘It rained. It rained everyday. The dark clouds obscured the wonders. The food tasted like shit. And it rained. And it rained and it rained. It got so bad that I considered I might drown if the waters rose any higher. I thought perhaps I might never see you again, and so I came back.’
‘How awful. Please don’t go there again, it really doesn’t sound like a holiday at all, and certainly not safe.’
‘If I was to come more often you would tire of me.’
‘I could never grow weary of listening to your words.’
‘And I would grow tired of you. What would we talk about? I fear the boredom, the dissatisfaction and all it’s consequences. Really, what would we talk about?’

The woman lays her lips upon his, and for a moment, they are one again. Breathless. Eyes closed, their senses focused on the shared pleasure. The woman’s eyes ease open as the man gently releases himself, and she smiles a familiar thought.

‘When I kiss you it is like..’
‘Like?’
‘Kissing my own soul, falling into my own lips. How do you know? How do you know when to press, when to retreat, and when our lips melt apart it is like a realisation of everything I never knew, yet, I cannot grasp it, because the only thing that consumes my mind at that moment is… ’
’Is..?’
‘Nothing. Nothingness..can you keep a secret? Just between me and you? I mean a secret has to be special; right? Doesn’t it? Unbreakable. Do you promise to keep a secret?’
‘Yes. Of course.’
‘I love you. I love you. I love you. An eternity would not be enough time to express how much I love you. I think you know that? I want to be with you every single moment, like we used to; in the beginning.’
‘You know that isn’t possible.’
‘I don’t believe it isn’t possible; I refuse to believe it. My love is so strong,’
‘But I fear my love is not. The other thing is stronger than my love.’
‘Can I hope? Can I dream? Can I hope and dream, that one day our love will cure everything, please give me hope, let my love be the embodiment of everything we ever wanted. Free yourself, dance and sing with me, come to me won’t you, come live with me again; won’t you?
’Don’t. Stop it.’
‘Just imagine how happy we could be. You remember what it was like, how you used to caress my face and gaze at me with your beautiful eyes, I’d lose myself in those eyes for days, seeing the future laid out in dreamily intoxicating images of delight and happiness. And then, you would whisper in my ear – forever, we will be together forever, and more – and a smile would find it’s way from my quivering lips as I struggled to hold back the emotion, and you..’

‘Enough!’

The man’s voice echoes around the tired walls keeping watch over the couple, and he looks longingly into the eyes of this woman he loves.

‘You know don’t you? That deep down, in my heart, I love you. And although you don’t always see that love; it is there. Absorbing, contemplating, breathing. Sometimes it cannot speak. Sometimes it drowns in the well of your affection, struggles to claw it’s way above it. How to respond in a way that even comes close to the never ending hope that you give. Can I ever reach that far inside myself; is it really there? What if it isn’t? What if I look, and I look and I look, and I keep on looking, and, what if it is not enough for you?
‘Sssh darling, it’s alright, let me hold you.’
‘Can we talk about something else?’

The stifling silence weighs heavy on the couple. All is quiet but for the distant metronomic beep of the machine. The woman searches for a release.

‘I saw my mother yesterday.’
‘Oh yes?’
‘She is so weary. Her days so long yet her time so short. She wants to join my father now, she is so impatient, so lonely; I fear what she will do.’
‘You should let her be, let her go her own way, she’ll make the right decision.’
‘The right decision for who?’
‘For her. Isn’t that what matters?’
‘What matters? What matters is that my mother wants to take her life!’
’That’s understandable.’
‘Understandable?’
‘Yes, understandable. I’m not condoning it, I’m just saying I understand it.’
‘What is there to understand? It’s just plain selfish; is it not?’
‘Your mother should be in charge of her own destiny, if she is so miserable now then what is the point? If she is unhappy then what is the point of living? Oh don’t give me that fucking look. And now you are crying. So little time together and you are crying. What a waste. I won’t come again.’
‘What?’
‘I won’t come again, I can’t.’
’Don’t be awful, I’ll die without you, don’t let me go.’
‘I can’t come, not anymore, it is better that you remember me as I was. Things are changing, they are out of my control. I feel so tired, I need to sleep, maybe things will be better if I could just sleep again.’
‘You can’t, you have only just arrived. Don’t leave me, I’m fearfully lonely, don’t go; not yet!’
‘I feel so vulnerable, it’s pulling me in. I can’t fight it my love, it is better this way, you do understand don’t you; forgive me my love.’
‘No, no, no! I beg you, not again, not so soon, please..’

The woman weeps, as she cradles the man in her arms and the tears gather their way over moistened cheeks. He lies still, eyes closed, gently breathing.

‘Why? Why? why? WHY? WHY? WHY ? WHY? WHY..why do you have to go..’

Sometimes, love is just too hard

monkeycrumpet

London, United Kingdom

  • Artist
    Notes
desktop tablet-landscape content-width tablet-portrait workstream-4-across phone-landscape phone-portrait
desktop tablet-landscape content-width tablet-portrait workstream-4-across phone-landscape phone-portrait

10% off

for joining the Redbubble mailing list

Receive exclusive deals and awesome artist news and content right to your inbox. Free for your convenience.