Dear God

Dear God,

I know it’s been sometime since i’ve wrote you or even spoke to you- always asking for favors and giving nothing in return. I remember I used to write you begging for mommy and daddy to work things out, give me a normal childhood. And I’m sure you tried to make things work but they weren’t willing. I remember a few years back i prayed to you every night to take my life- u wouldn’t so instead i tried to rush things along, and all that time you were trying to tell me now was not my time, and i didn’t listen, i just kept trying. Scaring my heart for life.
I aplogize for not listening to your secret words, i should of been able to tell your whispers in the wind. i should of been able to tell when i didn’t bleed enough, when something wouldn’t let me cut through my veins. When all the pills and alcohol found its way safely through my blood- at least i gave up on trying…

now instead i ask again, you finally have someone willing to let go. i’m begging to fly up there with the rest. Could i take my wings early and soar through the heavens? i’m sure you’ll tell me no.
i’ve prepared myself for your answer. i will respect it and leave my life to rest until you decide whats right for me.

i beg though that you’ll help me through the bad weather, maybe give me a raincoat some boots- its scary here.

i’m afraid. afraid of the confrontation, afraid to see tomorrow. i pray that you’ll stand by my side and let me see the light that i shoula seen so long ago.i ask for forgiveness of all my sins, and the power to continue on this path.
could you stand here with me- maybe carry me through this let us just see one set of footprints?
i ask of you to please not look down on me because of my state of confusion. that you’ll help me see past it.allow me to reign in my own world- get me the chance to experience the happiness i hope for everyone else. can you make me the person i need to be? give me the strength to stand tall and carry myself well. please take the stress from my shoulders and neck – put it aside. i’m tired of wanting to cry i’m tired of the breakdowns i’m experiencing. can you take me away for just one day? allow me to sort it all out. comfort my lost soul.
can you please give me the strength to go on. i’m begging for your help- i dont want the devil to steal my soul out there in the darkness. i need to find the light. will there be a sign what do i need to look form when does it start?how long until i know for sure? please dont let me give in to the temptation, my heart has bled enough. i dont want to experience the pain forever. i want the happiness here with me.
i beg you to stop my wondering mind- it only gets me into trouble. please dont let him take my soul. only you can take it- i will do my all to prevent myself from creating more heartache and upsetting you. i will do what i can to not disappoint you.

please help me through these weiry days. and with this i close- my love for you is strong, but my heart is weak. believe in me-allow me to know i dont stand alone.

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