Cold Feet, Flashing Lights: The Men You Shouldn't Marry

Cold Feet, Flashing Lights: The Men You Shouldn’t Marry

“To my wonderful husband –
and the motley crew of boyfriends
that preceded him.
Thanks for the lessons!
Consider this my revenge.

Life has qualified me to write this book.

Like most people, I learnt about relationships the long and hard way. I was lucky to escape the trauma of divorce. After six disastrous relationships and an engagement broken off in the nick of time I had finally learnt my lesson, and married a man excellently suited to me.
Consider your extended family and closest circle of friends. How many of them are divorced or in the process of getting divorced? The divorce rate is skyrocketing all over the world. People are getting married too easily, too hastily, too young, for the wrong reasons and to the wrong people.
Marriage is probably the greatest test of character ever devised for mortal man. It will require learning to fight fair, sometimes being the least, admitting that you were wrong, admitting that your spouse was right, saying you’re sorry many, many times, making compromises and making sacrifices. Obviously, therefore, marriage is not child’s play – and even for mature adults, it will present a considerable challenge.
Marriage is a huge commitment. If it fails, the ensuing divorce will cause a massive and traumatic upheaval in your life and the lives of your children. If it succeeds, it is – in my opinion – absolutely the best way to live.
Before you take the momentous step of getting married for better or worse, for richer or poorer, until death do you part – read this advice based on personal experience and take a long, hard look at your relationship. Picture yourself in this marriage ten years from now. Are you at peace with your decision to marry this specific man? Do you feel happy about the prospect? If you feel restless, trapped and depressed, stop everything and RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! Cancelled wedding arrangements are absolutely nothing compared to the trauma of divorce. It will be the best decision you ever made, and you will be grateful about it for the rest of your life.
Never be ashamed of admitting that you got “cold feet” and ditched your wedding arrangements. You had the courage, the maturity and the insight to do what millions of others should have done to prevent the heartbreak of divorce.
Marriage is the biggest commitment you will ever make in your life – do it once, and do it right!

Boyfriend or Boyfiend?

Boyfriend. A male person who is also your friend. The one who has your best interests at heart. The one who wants to see you grow. The one who wants you to be free. The one who wants to meet you as an equal.
Omit just one letter, and you get a totally different picture. A boyfiend is a cruel, malicious person – even a monster. Not your best friend by any means. Someone who will make your life hell.
A promising boyfriend could make a great husband. A boyfiend lacks the vital marriage material qualities – maturity, commitment and caring.
Does your boyfriend have what it takes to be a good marital partner, or is he a boyfiend who is wasting your time and making your life miserable? The case studies that follow should help you decide which of the two you have on the end of your line."

The book is available at lulu.com:

http://www.lulu.com/content/350277

Thanks for taking the time to read this!

Cold Feet, Flashing Lights: The Men You Shouldn't Marry

Martie Venter

Joined October 2007

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Artist's Description

I had 6 relationships before finally getting married (at the mature age of 28!) to a man eminently suited to me. I suffered much heartbreak and learnt a few hard lessons along the way. This is an excerpt from my book (under the pseudonym “Heather Hopkins”) on this part of my life journey:

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