I am not

I am not smooth skin
rememberances of broken glass
blemished it
aged me prematurely
I have been barbed wire
wrapped viciously
around my arms
I have struggled with Jesus
when I should have submitted
suffered from dislocation
made wrong prayers
at the wrong time
for the wrong people
I need to give up praying for you
I am not the saint tonight
when pity stains my cheeks
begging for the altar of God
to change me
at times my throat
aches swollen from prayers
I made for you
do you hear
my hopes shred
do you see the
complication I desperately
hold onto?
sometimes forgiveness
a tender knife slits
my throat
I am not my aching
nor does my quiet desperation
want you
you were a rough wind
rushing through my life
like you intended to stay
ripped my peace mometarily
tried to shake the foundations
of my faith
but Jesus steadied
the roaring discontent
that questioned my sanity
I am not a woman
that dances on hard wood floors
though restlessness stirs
inside me
I am not my self-prophecy
I used to believe I was too much
“Life” for you
that my love had too much spice
for you to absorb
I once teased you with
brown sugar on my skin
you will never taste
my tears must be like honey
I shed them so often,
as they pass my lips
I must like the way
they interact with
my tongue
the chemisty
of heartbreak must
be right
I salsa with the destroyer
of dreams once too often
my demons are white
feigning chivarlry
pushing thorny roses
into a hungry mouth
the blood that drips
from only words
cut deep
I am only a fool
who gave the intensity
of my hopes to an empty
prayer
yes, Jesus,
I prayed
until I tasted
the rust on
my teeth
these days are a reckoning
praying for my enemies
like you
and why??
why did I open
the cleavage of my soul
why did I share
the thoughts
that belonged
only to my Lord?

misfit1965copyright2010

copyright2010misfit1965

I am not

Matty B. Duran

Joined July 2009

  • Artist
    Notes
  • Artwork Comments 9

Artist's Description

This poem is about a man I had cared about. I think he knows who he is. But I am allowing my disappointment not to hurt my faith in Jesus Christ. I want to write, TO GOD BE ALL GLORY!!! Even with tears on my heart, I am with You!!!

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Artwork Comments

  • chrisuk
  • Matty B. Duran
  • raymondoantonio
  • Matty B. Duran
  • LisaMM
  • Matty B. Duran
  • maryannec
  • Matty B. Duran
  • Charldia
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