(NEED INPUT) untitled project. part1,page1

Okay, so here is the beginning of a story that I am writing. There isn’t much to it at the moment; it lacks character, plot, and probably correct conventions. My english still isn’t the best, for I just moved to the states early last year. Please check it out and tell me where I can correct some things.

My style is important to me, so anything that will help some sort of style shine through let me know. I am open to any new ideas, or criticism. I will welcome anything you say and be grateful.

So here I go…
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untitled project
part1
page1

*anything set in () i am still deciding about, they may be lines that I am going to update or just notes for me for later

Through the blackness of the night, there came a single noise. A steady hum, a drone that was both sonorous and inaudible. It moved with eager purpose, and mused an indescribable aura to which behind it pulled the answers to problems yet to be set forth, (maybe: hopes and dreams of the generation,) visible as only white light. A streak of color through a black dark night. Without even a faint splash, the light was evaded (not evaded but rather a better word for disappeared?) vanished without notice. And though it had come and gone, its presence sent a ripple effect of action through (through what???)

That was almost 43 years ago.

Today, the light wasn’t anything to be spoken of. This may have been for the fact that nobody of this generation knew anything of the light; or it may have been because the students at Maycomb High School had more important matters to discuss.

At the moment the (linoleum tiled?too much description) hallways were silent, closed doors hid classroom filled with students busily scribbling information onto paper, later to be disregarded (right wordd?) after they were used to pass the appropriate test.

The only noise might have been the faint squeal of a gymnasium whistle, heard only by those visiting the restrooms adjacent the front entrance of the school.

The gymnasium was parallel the bathroom, an architectural success; for students parking in the school parking lot could enter the gym directly to socialize until the school bell announced the beginning of the first block.

First block had begun almost 17 minutes ago, and already the gymnasium was full of activity. Approximately 30 students began to run a warm-up jog around the basketball court. Each had on matching school shirts with “Maycomb Marching Mustangs” written in ordinary black font across the front. The color and length of each students shorts varied for their was no regulation as to which shorts were required.

There was little chatter, for the students were still sleepy from the nights sleep that they had just endured. Distant whispers were almost completely muted by the squeak of rubber as the students dragged their tennis shoes against the recently waxed flooring of the basketball court.

The gymnasium would be considered standard size, but the residents of Maycomb country would consider it quite large in retrospect to the size of their country. Maycomb county was often described as “atomically small.” Even Cal, a child born so dim )that his brother would often joke that his stupidity caused them to lose possible foster parents) (? too long, but Cal’s brother should be mentioned in this sentence) could understand that the world outside its boundaries were way more massive than he could imagine.

(NEED INPUT) untitled project. part1,page1

mike16allen

Joined November 2009

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Need input on the beginning of my story. Please help it is URGENT!!!

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