Angst is a state of being - Urban Alice

Marny Barnes

Beausejour, Canada

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Artist's Description

When you are a teenager.

Have teenagers really changed that much?

I think not…confusion, angst, sulking…well…I remember doing it.

Don’t you?

I know the Lewis Carrol quotes have been analyzed to death…but…I found this interpretation which rang so true with me…

AUTHOR UNKNOWN

MAD HATTER TO ALICE: “Why is it you are always too small or to tall??”

“I constantly struggle with self-doubt. I think I won’t be good enough, so why even try? I think of myself as an impostor – and I fake my way through school / work / relationships / life, knowing that I don’t have what it takes to really succeed. The paper I turned in wasn’t worth the A it got. The teacher must have been grading very easily. Or, even worse, I turned in a paper that I knew wasn’t my best work because if I actually did my best work and failed, I would be devastated.

I try to hide my incompetence from everyone around me by saying things like: “Well, it is just my opinion and I could be completely wrong. . .” before I give my thoughts. And that is when I give my opinion at all. Most of the time I just keep silent, content to let someone else lead the way.

I compare myself to others, always finding they are smarter, stronger, faster, more loving, more spiritual, more popular. When I am too small, I cower in the background and think no one could never use someone like me to do his work, especially with all these capable people in the vicinity.

When I am too small, I color so far inside the lines that I am surprised my crayon makes a dot on the page.

When I am not paralyzed with self-doubt, I am running around with a head the size of a hot air balloon. I get over-confident. I believe everyone wants to be me and is jealous of me. I have the most interesting anecdotes, the best taste in television, and the most diverse group of friends.

If you need something done, I can make a phone call and have your problems fixed before you finish asking. And I am the funniest person alive, not counting Tina Fey.

When I am too tall, I don’t ask for anyone’s help to do anything because I can handle it perfectly well without him. Frankly, God is lucky I’m working for him and not the other guy.

When I am too tall, I scribble all over the coloring book pages, disregarding the lines and sometimes even the pages themselves.

The cool thing is that the Mad Hatter just wanted to give Alice a proper hug. . . but even though she is too tall, he hugs her waist anyway. I guess when it comes down to it, people just want the same thing.

They know when I am too small and come to find me in the dark corner. They see when I am too tall and grab me by the waist. No amount of cowering in the corner or declaring myself independent can change the fact that they love me.

They don’t love me any more when I am crying out to them because I don’t think I can do it. They don’t love me any less when I am running away from them so I can tackle everything on my own.

Maybe one day I will find the perfect balance between too small and too tall (a state I am going to call true humility)."

I HAVE EXPERIENCED THIS FEELING MYSELF. Being a teenager is rough no matter what year you were born in. Whether it was in 1890’s or 2010.

Model – Maya (12 yrs old)
Makeup – Chelsea Rankin,
Hair – Ilona Reece,
Lighting Direction – Barry St Louis,
Photography and Design by me!!

Artwork Comments

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