Now and Then

S .

Joined January 2009

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thank you thank you jacqleen
This is another of her absolutely gorgeous models. Everyone please check out her work… i know you probably do already =)

“Then and Now":

I think of time spent; wasted
Hastily and lazy, we can’t erase it
Sugar casings laced with
Images of your face I’m facing
Slowly the days shift phases
Amazed at the trails I’ve been blazing
Save the betrayals broken promises and token phrases
I’m unfazed by the ways time was wasting
Waking up before the sun’s rays rise
Time flies, as do I to where miles become mere paces
The fear I was once encased in erases all doubt and past praises
Our kisses once fulfilled wishes, but now their taste changes
I’m past the danger of your anger, see how time estranges?
You wore your hand in mine; your fingers symbolic bar cages
Released- your grip ripped my heart, though I know the beat still rages
Blood drips like sand in time; a hard hit parting from your soft lips’ engages
Forced by time to move to different stages, chapter closed I’ve turned the pages
Learned from chasing; dreams aren’t even what we seem to need- faith is
Our antagonistic words descended to violent exchanges
Asian eyes, aging lies, characterized by the time it ages
I still remember the demise of good-byes, past compromises and conversations
Who am I faking? You had my heart taken
The picture of out finality I painted wasn’t near the beauty of its actual formation
So amazing your ways and grace is that your hold on me was an uncontainable invasion
And I know you found another lover, you left me alone, broken home, and torn foundations
For a while my mode survival; happiness ended with your arrival, a tense unavoidable situation
But fuck an explanation, your reasons for leaving won’t restart my stopped breathing; a recreation
I found a new formed patience latent, brought out by erosion and isolation
Time passed me daring- to look past this shit and stop caring; I give into temptation
Discontent with contempt, times when I think that I should attempt to break the silence; it’s past contemplation
The desecration of my heart forces control- nights when my elated mind is apart from my soul’s indignation

The snow fall tranquility
A summer past; surrendered ability
The spring before we sprung instability
In the fall I fell into you with broken fragility
Years of friendship lost to silent hostility
Will it be? I already know there is no use of trying; futility

But I’m a different person now, I can forgive and forget and take a new breath
I wonder if you were in the same position could you live through what feels like death?
It seems like humanity’s implicit definition it to take all doubt and fear and split it
Contradictory isn’t it when you’re out of disposition, its passed and you’re expected not to hit it
Your pain infliction played with me and my volatile emotions led me to addiction
But listen my affliction; I grew stronger and more ambitious with conviction
Did it make you happy to see how I felt, the delicate knit of trust and friendship; to see it melt?
And you don’t know the ways I dealt; days when I wanted kill myself and say “fuck this wealth”
I guess I want you to see me now in good health
I’m happier now than I’ve ever been; commanding my own actions with authority
I used to think what could have been but I got friendships now that take priority
We wanted different things and I wasn’t up to a real relationships required maturity
Stolen purity; time grows tired, but my past’s doubts fade from obscurity

Just as a sunset is sure to be; its reflection on the water is a surety
I’m reassured by my newfound passion for life that the personal happiness I have now is my only real security

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