Maximus

Doonside, Australia

I am now retired at the early age of 57, this is NOT because I’m so rich that I could afford to do so, but rather because of...

The Ugly Black Dog

It’s dark inside my head lately. The ugly black-dog is winning. I have put up with its ugly presence for over 35 years now and would choose to be free, whole, sane, and normal whatever that is.
It brings one down from the simplest of life’s joys like laughing at something funny, being bothered to get out of the house into the fresh air, doing that thing that is staring at you to be done, but just seems too much for you to achieve.
What helps, pills – sometimes!
People saying: Just get over it – no.
Alcohol – no.
Understanding – to a point.
Hugs – always.
The desire to simply not exist is strong, but I am stronger. Relief in a coffin, while seeming attractive, I know presents no answer. I don’t fear death, in many ways I wouldn’t mind at all, but to achieve that by my own hand is not acceptable.
So I must endure, somehow managing to push through for another 30 or so years – a miserable thought, but, if I keep writing about it, then just maybe I will encourage another to fight on too.

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