U.K Government To Privatise The Country’s O…

U.K Government To Privatise The Country’s Oxygen

THIS is what I do.

I Think Your Thong... by mattupchuck Old Baby Jesus by mattupchuck

High Street Haiku – The Phonebox.

We all got mobiles. / They are dead important though. / Good for pissing in.

The Shitterbox Part 2 – (T.V Guide)


High Street Haiku – The Train Station

Train Station Depression.
Urban Rabbit Life by mattupchuck Hove Seafront After Rain by mattupchuck September Sun Retreats Behind West Pier by mattupchuck

Those Tabloid Headline In Full… Tues 16th N…


I Am The Official New Face Of Walkers Crisps *


Did Wednesday June 19th 1985 ever happen?

It occurred to me the other day that despite being fifty three years old and having a better than average memory, I have no recollection wh…

High Street Haikus

The Co-operative. / It’s quicker to say “Co-op” / I usually do. / Big Sign Says “Subway” / Not the useful one…

High Street Haiku – Antique Shop

Dusty old bollocks

The Day Nothing Worked.

The day nothing worked started rather late for me. I couldn’t be sure of the exact time I awoke as my alarm clock had stopped at exactly m…

High Street Haiku – The Cyclist.

Saving the planet / You look like a right dickhead / ’Spose someone has to

“UK Dirty Bomb Threat”

“I’d say telling every angry disgruntled maniac whether it is Combat 18, Al-Qaida, the A.L.F or Fathers4Justice how best to set…

High Street Haiku – The Postman

yeah. postmen.

I Am The Official New Face Of B.P*

I am the new official face of BP. Whats all the fuss about oil slicks anyway? At least oil’s natural, not like a humous slick or a ta…
Brighton Landscape through Netting by mattupchuck Peace Statue by mattupchuck

High Street Haiku – Clock-tower

Scowling down from high / A municipal time-piece / You’re ten minutes slow

High Street Haiku – Roadkill

Painting the town red? / What a shame that you are not / Re-cy-cle-a-ble

High Street Haiku – Bagpiping Busker


High Street Haiku – Subway

Big Sign Says “Subway” / Not the useful one you ride / Odd smelling baguettes.
Finding the Way Back by mattupchuck Brighton Pier by mattupchuck

High Street Haiku – The Bin.


Details of a Scientific Report On The Futility of…

“the time you spend gardening would be just well frittered away nailing eggs to plates."

High Street Haiku – Kebabs Open Late

Miscellaneous meat / Grimy floor tiles, stained ceiling / Smells like cheap dog food

Your Definitive Guide To Pets

I am SO bored by mattupchuck

High Street Haiku – Sainsbury’s Local

The Sainsbury’s Local / Is not what it says it is / It is miles away

I Am The Official New Face the Milk Marketing Boa…

Thong by mattupchuck

High Street Haiku – Parking

I Eat by mattupchuck Bar Flys - Dolphins? by mattupchuck Keeping Brighton Tidy by mattupchuck

“The Shitterbox” Part 1 – (T.V …


High Street Haiku – Argos

Loads of catalogues / Pages of shit tents and that / “Not in stock, sorry.”

High Street Haiku – Shopping Centre

Huge shopping centre / Lots of ghastly shops I can / Ignore all at once

High Street Haiku – Man giving out flyers

“Pound off a Big Mac?” / Thanks but no thanks mate / I would rather eat my shoes

High Street Haiku – Vomit Pool


High Street Haiku – The 99p Shop

How much is that mate? / Ninety-nine pence is it yeah? / Oi! What about this?

That’s Good Living! Magazine. “I Punc…

I count my blessings every day that Stefan is still here with me to help me punch our child together. We thought we were beyond help; but …
Merry Christmas You Idiot by mattupchuck

High Street Haiku – H&M

Very loud music / Wearing mass produced fashion / People look the same

High Street Haiku – Gamestation

You’re looking tatty / Missing a letter there mate / Sign reads “amestation”

Bad Poetry – A pair of Odes.

An Ode To Dog Biscuits and An Ode To Quincy

An Open Letter To Channel 5

I would like to congratulate you for implementing the return of the remarkably talented Vanessa Feltz to our television screens.
Matt Upchuck by mattupchuck

That’s Good Living! Magazine. “Me Hus…

“In front of my very own (albeit detached) eyes, my husband’s head had just exploded.”

High Street Haiku – Police Community Officer

Fighting knife crime yeah? / But without any handcuffs? / Good luck to you mate.

High Street Haiku – Petrol Station Mini-Mar…

Some squashed sandwiches / Been kicked around the floor by / Resentful employees.

High Street Haiku – Evangelist

God loves me does he? / Funny way of showing it / Gout and kidney stones.

High Street Haiku – The Bus Stop.

Shouting At Ham by mattupchuck

High Street Haiku – Blockbuster Videos

Closed up shop now yeah? / All the shitty films have gone / Your block’s been busted

High Street Haiku – Lloyd’s TSB

You’ve got a damn nerve / Selling more shit mortgages / Like nothing happened

ITV’s “Take Me Out” – Feb…


High Street Haiku – Charity Mugger

Corners me alone / Save The Children need my help. / Yeah? I hate children

Leading Homosexual Outed As Conservative.

Dennis Hogg MP (major poofter) was secretly filmed by a Sunday tabloid newspaper meeting a seedy man in what was described as a “Cons…

High Street Haiku – Co-Op

The Co-operative. / It’s quicker to say “Co-op” / I usually do
Refuse by mattupchuck Brighton Summer Evening Downpour by mattupchuck Hospital Corridor by mattupchuck 05:45 by mattupchuck Boiler Room by mattupchuck Hospital Window by mattupchuck Tired Relic by mattupchuck
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