Soul Searching

From an early age this is what became deeply ingrained within me…
If I keep my distance and remain detached, I’ll get through life,
Far less painfully.
My wounds as a child and what I was forced to go through…
Believe it or not, made this philosophy seem true.
Better to love just a touch, than to love to much…
Because a loving heart,
Is a heart that’s easily crushed.
Self-centered or self-preservation depends on your point of view…
You’ll never know, until you’ve stood a life time in my shoes.
A sense of approval once continuously sought…
Alas a vain attempt to repair the damage,
Of a repeatedly bruised and broken heart.
A costly philosophy and I’ve paid the full price…
From an estranged relationship with my only daughter,
Too a handful of ex-wives.
So too has it been in my relationship with God…
More times than not, my life style and my faith,
Have been completely at odds.
Having once been firmly rooted and being all in…
More than once I’ve chosen to take my eyes off the cross,
And return to wallow in the mire of my past sins.
Thus is life, when behind a plow…
If you constantly look back,
Your furrows go round and round.
There is but one conclusion in the end…
Were my relationship with God, on me to depend,
My faith would have long since been scattered by the winds.
To Christ Jesus my soul is forever bound…
Because oft times he has left the ninety-nine,
That I, the one, might once again be found!

Soul Searching

Martin Steinbrugger

Redlands, United States

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faith

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  • minou41
  • Martin Steinbrugger
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