That Which Doesn't Kill Me Should Breed Strength & Sensibility...Right?

.

My mother bought them for me
A half-dozen cards maybe
All revealing thoughts that I
Couldn’t
Articulate

And I, thanked her without eye contact,
As if I could care less
But I did,

Care less,

Still do

See;
I was embarrassed
And when I am
I act
Awkwardly,
Foolishly.

Its always
Foolishly
Been difficult for me
Revealing feelings
For something I
Feel fervor for

Why?

I guess that if I act cool,
JamesDean-like
As if I could care less,
Then
If all doesn’t go as planned
I won’t seem too let down
Broken-hearted,
Less
A man

Anyway…
In the privacy of my room
I chose one of those
Cards
Wrote a tiny something-something in my
Best
Handwriting
Sealed it quick ’n tight and
Set it in a safe spot
Upon my dresser
Where I was sure
Not to forget it
Come morning

You see,
There was this girl
This stunning
Graceful
Beauty
Whom
From second I saw her,
Infiltrated all thought

I needed her to know

This

Was perfect time

-

I was first to enter classroom

Destination: beautiful, glittered
Silver box with huge
Red heart
Swollen in suns’ glow atop teachers desk
My hands quaked excitement and
Apprehension as
I placed envelope carefully inside

From furthest seat the room allowed
I watched everyone offer their
Hearts
Into the faith of that
Dream-Catcher

Then
By mornings effervescent beam,
She appeared
Immaculate as ever
Band of ruby bejeweling brunette mane
Crème shirt over scarlet sarong

I watched intently: She
Set envelopes: Three,
Into that
Wonderful
Wishing-well
Wondering
Which one of those
Wondrous
Wishes
Would be
Waiting, for me!

We!

seemed like
eons ’til
teach
announced
time!
anticipation:
balloon in-mind,
knotted-noose
grind

As names were
Read and
Cards
Emptied without
Mine
Said;
That rope began to tighten and twist

Everyone was eventually chosen

Some…Multiply

She…Six.

Everyone, I think ,was given a gift that day

Everyone, that is

Except

Me

I tredded a shark-swarmed isolation island
Sinking
The room tunneled and drifted away in surging tides of
Shame, as
Embarrassed sun
Buried-self
Behind,
Between,
Beneath cloud
Amassed,
Assembling
Absolutely
Above me

I was frozen in fear
Feeling pitiful stares
Struggling to keep smile pasted
Spirit crumbling

Meanwhile,
Not-quite
Grasping
Subtly,
Teach
Reached into that hideously repugnant, fuck-of-an-empty-shell-of-a-box and

To my dismay
She called
My name

I didn’t want to get up
I prayed to vacant sky
To be transported home
Surrounded by
Safety
Of room
Refuge
Of bed

I struggled like Kreskin to reach her
“Please don’t say my name"
“Why should you even care?”
“Please don’t humiliate me”

She did

”And last but not least,
Mark
Come up and get your card sweetheart!”

Sweetheart…

I was pasted to my seat
As that smile
That envelope
I sat there hoping
Nightmare
Would vanish

“Mark, come on up and get your card!”

Fuck-all…
I got up
Keeping smile in-check
Trying to look not-so disheveled
Feet were anchors as I was
Positive
All eyes were
Pity-filled
Upon me
Truth is though
Everyone was all-too
Preoccupied
Reading,
Gazing
Dreaming the possibilities of
They’re new presents
To waste precious time on
Me

…They were all in cloudless blue sky,
Feet in sand,
Warm.

I could only stare the cold floor in agony as the front of the room neared

“Happy Valentines Day!” said Teach
Voice
Far from blanketing
Uneasiness

“Thanks” I responded
Trying to be cool,
Un-phased
JamesDean-like

I took that card without eye contact
Without even looking at her
As if I could care less
But I did,

Care less,

Still do

~

As I swam back to my spike-seat-isle
All I could focus on was
HER
And the cards that she was opening

. . .

And SHE…

Well,
She opened every-one of her
Dull-fucking
Drab
Dreary
Disgusting
Dick-hole envelopes
All JamesDean-like
And never once even looked at me
As if she could
Care
Less…

That Which Doesn't Kill Me Should Breed Strength & Sensibility...Right?

markgb

Niagara Falls, New York, United States

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