I'm a horrible liar.

He sits in the pub drinking and watching the clock. Waiting on a woman that isn’t his. His friends drink pint after pint the day blends into the night. He thinks to himself, her flight should be landing anytime now. The bellows of laughter, the sirens outside, the game blaring over the bar all sound like distant annoyances. He stomach turns, it hurts.
Still nursing the same glass, he friend comes over and slaps him into reality.
" Why aren’t you drinking, what is wrong with you?"
He knows he can’t tell them anything,so he lies, but he’s a horrible liar.
" So, what’s her name?" His friend laughs on, " Only a woman can make a man look as sick as you are right now" His breath reaks of beer.
He keeps quiet and brushes his mate off. All he can do is sit here, occupy his time, pretend he doesn’t care. Pretend he doesn’t know she’s here in this town, in this country only miles away from any direction. He hits the bar unknowingly, thankfully he’s in a bar and no one noticed his tanturm.
His mind is filled with thoughts of her, of the last time he saw her, the last time he heard her voice. Was it really 4 months ago? When stole that kiss and pissed her off. When she promised him that if all goes well she’d see him in the summertime.
It’s the summertime and she’s here.

He can’t sit here any longer. This is too hard, but he waits. He knows she has ties, loose ends, that he can’t deny. He bids his friends farwell and walks into midnight. He needs silence to think.
It’s cold tonight, everything seems bleak standing here, but he’s still standing and that’s all that matters, right now.

The next morning he woke up in a sweat, with her running through his dreams. Not even in his dreams could he escape her, he’s pathetic. A shower, a shave all should do him well. He’s on his way to another day.
beep A message comes in, it’s her.
{ I hope you want to see me? If you do- meet me here in an hour}
There’s that lump again, his throat hurts, but musters a message back. {okay}

He doesn’t have to look for her, any fool can see that face from a mile away. That face that’s haunted his conscience, that has swayed his scruples. She sits by the fountain with her eyes closed, (What is she thinking?) then suddenly opens them.


She sees me and slowly rises to her feet. She’s so small in stature but her presence stands 10 feet tall. Awkward- she punches me in the arm. Not exaclty the greeting I’ve been waiting for but I don’t expect anything from her.
" How are you? What have you been up to? What are you doing here?"
Maybe if I pretend I don’t remember our last conversation it won’t make this weird. Maybe if I pretend my heart isn’t jumping out of my chest, she won’t think I’m a fool?
I listen to her polite replies, all the while watching her mouth move. No clue what she is saying but I know how much I missed the inflection in her voice. Her awkward pauses and unfocused moments. She’s nervous, anyone can tell. One thing, I did hear is her explaintion of why she came and it wasn’t for me. I wanted to drop to my knees and let them bleed, I didn’t care anymore.
Her face twisted in pain, she quietly whispers, I’m sorry. So why am I here, standing here broken. This is why, standing before me. Her. She never wanted anything from me, never lied to me, never promised me forever, so I sit. I tell my knees to bend and I sit and listen.

She holds my face and begins to tell me her 4 month journey through hell.
She starts with the betrayal of her lover and the grief of a her shattered love story. I traveled along many dark days with her. She painted the sky with sadness and sorrow so much so, that clouds appeared above us. Her words were so fast, I felt out of breath. Her anger so real I clenched my fists. She then soften when talking our unexpected kiss and finally looked away. Her eyes no longer on me, she looks like a child looking for forgiveness, but I have none to give. For I am the sinner.
I take her hand in mine and she pulls away, as low as a whisper she tells me.
" You said you wanted me then, do you still want me now? After all that has happened? He wants to give us a try and work things out. He’s been living in hell and told me how sorry he truly was…. I haven’t seen him in 4 months as well and I just… I don’t know what I want." Her voice weak with indecesion, I selfishly want to scream! But I do not.
She has resigned to be with him. He has once again won her heart, even though he betrayed her trust, he wins. There is nothing I can do.
" Say something, please." she begs. My silence got away from me, I can’t tell her what I think, so I lie, but I"m a horrible liar.
" I love you, I just want you to be happy. If he is what you want then I wish only the best for you." I grit my teeth with that last line.
" …. No you don’t" – She called me out and isn’t making this easy so I try the truth.
" You must understand, I want you more than anything ever. You accept me for what I am. You don’t mind my rough self. You don’t wince when I raise my voice. You laugh at me. You make me laugh. You are everything to me. But you are not a prize, you are a privilege. I will not fight for you if you have chosen your path."
I can see her eyes fill with tears, but fights them back. A life a pain can teach you tricks like that. She grabs her bag and stands tall. Her presence towering me. Extends her arms and hugs me. Hard.
" Thank you, for everything" she whispers in my ear, and just as soon as she was next to me, she was gone.

I'm a horrible liar.


Austin, United States

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A long one but I finally wanted to post it.

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